PR DISASTER! Pope Francis Signs Peace Treaty With Church of Scientology

jorge mario bergoglio

After inking a highly controversial covenant of theological solidarity with the Grand Imam of al-Azhar University, notoriously accident-prone not so militant cleric Pope Francis has been continuing his famously tolerant and inclusive approach to religion by declaring a holy crusade against the all-too-common social cancer of…


Science fiction scientology
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There now follows a not-at-all cult-like statement of co-operation and fraternal love from the likewise not at all cult-like community leader of the global faithful, which has ALREADY won great acclaim from pious grassroots, achingly (er, AGONIZINGLY???) non-astroturf Catholics like Lady Gaga, Madonna and Nancy Pelosi…


The Catholic Faith and Scientology both lead believers to see in the other a brother or sister to be supported and loved. Through faith in Jesus Christ and L Ron Hubbard, who have created and definitively explained the universe, all terrestrial and extra-terrestrial creatures and all human beings, Thetans and other creatures we haven’t even heard of (all equal on account of infinite mercy and unrivalled intelligence), believers are called to express this human/super-human fraternity by safeguarding creation and the entire universe and supporting all persons, especially the poorest, the most in need, and those who dynamics have most been disturbed by powerful Thetans, dogmatic anti-choice bigots and hatemongering Scientologophobes.

Wow! Pretty heavy stuff, huh???


Freedom of opinion is the inalienable right of every person: each individual enjoys the freedom of belief, thought, expression and action; they likewise have a right to live their lives without ever once encountering mockery, ridicule, irreverent humor, or other forms of trivialisation of their sincerely held beliefs. For after all: the pluralism and the diversity of religions, colour, sex, race, language and views on astronomy, cosmology and other widely disputed topics of debate, are willed by God in His wisdom, and explained definitively and correctly in the New Testament and in the writings of Scientology. Outer space is the source from which the right to freedom of belief and the freedom to be different derives, and neither Christian nor Scientologist should be considered as standing above the other, for we are all equal in the name of our Holy Mothership. Therefore, the fact that people are forced to adhere to a certain religion or culture or view on the temperature of the Van Allen Belt or the existence or non-existence of railroad cars on Venus must be rejected, as too the imposition of a mainstream, Scientologophobic vision of science others cannot and will not accept.


Justice based on the unequivocal rejection in morality and law of both Catholicismophobia and Scientologophobia is the path to follow in order to achieve the dignified life and freedom from degrading humor and trivializing banter, frivolity, mockery, blasphemy, ridicule and public derision to which every human being, Thetan and other living creature has an inalienable right.

Rumor has it heavily closeted radical postmodernist cleric Patriarch Bartholomew is taking notes, and appropriate legislative reform in Greece (and indeed the whole of the EU) is likely to follow!

European Union EU Values
Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

1 thought on “PR DISASTER! Pope Francis Signs Peace Treaty With Church of Scientology

  1. No offence intended to the Scientologist Community, of course. (They have a tendency to get pretty rowdy if I don’t put some kind of disclaimer in). Like, I totally respect your sincerely held beliefs, dude. Top props for standing up for what ‘all believe in and not compromising!

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