“Liberal” Pope Francis Gives His Blessing to Alleged Papal “SJW College”

Pope Francis, current worldwide leader of the Christian Church and most widely beloved social justice icon since Jason X and Chaz Bono, has recent given his “cautious approval” to a new elite Papal college.

In this new high school and university, those who are destined for the very highest and most prestigious roles in the Church will be lovingly groomed for success.

It has been difficult to get a straight answer out of the First Jesuit Pope about whether he is favourable towards this exciting new development; but over  time, he appears  to have increasingly warmed to the new idea.

He even jokes that if he had children, he would undoubtedly send them there; as most of the seminaries around today are a little too rigid and dogmatic, in comparison to this fresh new venture.

Here is a sneak preview of the classes being taught:

Big City Jesus! Cosmopolitan and Sexually-Sensitive Liturgy for  an LGBT-Conscious Ecclesiastical Community

Is Marxism a Heresy? What Most Christians Never Tell You About Radical Economic Justice

Pacifism for the Pure… How to Keep Yourself Safe from Apostate ‘Just War’ Ideologues

Salvation for All Species? Eating Our Fellow Creature/Creators, the Mortal Sin of All Sins

Inclusive Meta-Ecumenical Worship: When Lesbian Passovers Meet the Peyote Eucharist!

Ableist and Misogynistic Hatred in the Wisdom Literature: What Happens When We Know ‘There is Neither Fool Nor Wise Man?’

Devil’s Advocate: What Your Bishop Often Forgets About Luther, Buddha, the Prophet, and L Ron Hubbard

The Saviour of All People: Exposing and Refuting Islamophobic Theology and its Misguided Apologists

Manspreading the Gospel: How the Trivialization of Microaggressions Makes a Scandal of Our Church

Radical Feminist Perspectives  on Queer Ecclesiology: What Would a Truly Virtuous, Biarchal, Polyepiscopal, Dogmaqueer Church Look Like?

If You See Cisgender Jesus, Slay Him! What Can Genderqueering Source Theology Bring to the Higher Criticism of the Crucifixion of Jesus++-/+, and/or XYChrist-W(h)o/Myn?

Our confidential source from the Vatican tells us:

This list starts off outright heretical, and it only gets worse over  time.

It sounds as though some of these words were just made up on the spot!

Excuse me my irreverence this once, but as we used to say in my village: “Blessed Maria, Mother of All Imbeciles!” Is this what the Church has finally come to?

Well, at this point, many of us are ready to flee into the desert, if you will; but where shall we go? Only the Holy Father has the words of eternal life; if even he dares fall into error, what then can be said of us?

More to follow in an hour or so!

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!