Categorized | Politics

Local Man Doesn’t Know Candidates, Votes Anyway

Local Man Doesn’t Know Candidates, Votes Anyway – Dayton, OH – Bill Jameon, local accountant and political apathetic, cast his vote today without knowing who the candidates were or what they stood for.

“I really just went by the sounds of their names,” Jameon admitted with a smile, “Obama just sounds cooler than Romney so I put a check next to that one.”

After muting hours of political commercials, hanging up on hundreds of calls from candidates’ parties and tirelessly avoiding conversations on the economy, healthcare and foreign relations, Jameon found himself driving by the polling station on Election Day. He happened to have the right kind of ID, was given a ballot by a poll worker, and suddenly found himself standing in a mini-cubicle checking boxes.

“There were some pretty cool names,” Jameon repeated, “So when I could pick one of those, I did. When there weren’t any cool names I just checked a random box.”

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Election strategist Annabell Delveccio, professor of social sciences at New York University (online), has noted that this voting method is becoming more and more popular in the United States.

“Many Americans get turned off by the sheer volume of the political advertisements, the polarity of the parties, and the ugliness of the campaigns,” she said. “They don’t like talking or even thinking about it because it causes them so much stress. But when it comes time to vote, many feel the urge to put in their opinion, anyway, even if they have no idea what it is.”

“o-BAM-a!” Jameon shouted, cramming his ballot into the box and slapping a sticker on his chest that told everyone that he had technically, in fact, voted.

“Mitt Romney!” Someone nearby countered.

“Wait, his name was Mitt?”

Mr. Jameon’s vote is expected to count as much as that of an informed voter.


This post was written by

- who has written 19 posts on

Sean Myers is a law student whose desire to change things for the better has led him, inevitably, to the world of satire writing.


2 Responses to “Local Man Doesn’t Know Candidates, Votes Anyway”

  1. Brian White says:

    I've met TOO many voters that fit this exact profile. They hear sound-bites and want to base their whole opinion on that. NO! The candidates have actual records. You can fact-check their crazy statements. Do THAT, please, I beg of you… but no, one is a Muslim and the other is a cult guy… whatever.

  2. Mike Kelly says:

    Hey, don't let lack of knowledge stop you from voting, just say you're a republican.


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