Welcome to Fantasy Baseball 2019
Nearly 20 million people play fantasy baseball, but there’s something about it that I don’t get. It’s probably the word “fantasy.” In fantasy baseball, people compete as team owners by drafting a roster of current players from different Major League…
Charlize Theron is “Shockingly Available“ & Waiting For Someone To “Step Up” & Ask Her Out On A Date – YEAH, RIGHT!!!!!
Charlize Theron can’t find a date? Yeah, right again! Charlize Theron, arguably the best looking woman in Hollywood, possessing only the elitest of chromosomes, worth multiple millions and one of the finest actresses of her time states that she can’t…
DOWN WITH HATE SPEECH! Bipartisan Bill Finally Makes US Corporations Protected Class
The notoriously divided America of today has many disputes and disagreements, whether it be border security, the climate crisis or social media conflict by liberal snowflakes and conservative trolls. But if there’s one thing the Republican and Democrats can agree…
By the Grace of Sean (Bad Poetry for Bad Media)
Bellicose, via mega phone, go… Secure your homes, Holmes, Cause you’re all alone, Jones All the skin and bones talk, All them victims criss-crossed… With their children en tow… They tried to cross the road! By the grace of…
OWCH! 80s Nerd Escapes Self-Imposed Seclusion: Finds D&D Gone MAINSTREAM!
Wealthy 80s nerd accidentally emerges from self-imposed seclusion only to discover that D&D is cool now Walter Sebastian Wasp Rogers IV suffered an embarrassing episode early in his junior year of high school involving a wooden chair, a lot of…
Cruella De Ville Muscling My Customer
”What is it?” I said looking at a very indecisive customer. ”I’m just not sure if I should buy the shoes, mate!” he says, confusing me. ”You love the look, the price, they’re comfortable.” I wait for his long-owed reply,…
Great Was the Fall (Parable on America With an Ancient Feel)
In the days of the old King, King Bush, the people did eat of the fat of the earth and drink of the fruit of the vine. But lo a new King, King Obama, ascended the throne and soon there…
How Online Gambling Has Officially Become Socially Acceptable
How Online Gambling Has Officially Become Socially Acceptable You know society, the beautiful and friendly nature of society? Well that wasn’t always there and in fact, it still isn’t! So how on earth did online gambling manage to fall through…
Gay Old Party Strikes Again! Auntie Lindsey 2020, the Closet Choice! (Ted Haggard Guest Post)
NOTE FROM WALLACE: Our occasional guest contributor, Ted ‘I Know What You Did Last Night’ Haggard has provided us with one of the saltiest, spiciest lil old hot takes we’ve had in a while here at Glossy News! Enjoy! WOOP…
OH, GOD! IT’S NOT THAT TIME AGAIN IS IT???????
Noooooooooooooooo! It can’t be! It’s inhumane! Its monstrous! It just can’t be true!