Category: Politics
Weiner Says It’s Not His ‘Weener’
NEW YORK, NY. GlossyNews.com – Rep. Anthony Weiner has aroused more suspicion today by neither confirming nor denying that the crotch in question is his, and reiterated his opinion that the incident is, “a distraction, and nothing more than a…
Nation’s Satirists Stumped by “Don’t Say Gay” Bill
NEW YORK, NY—Comedians and “Fake News” Correspondents across the nation have been unable to produce any suitable material to satirize Tennessee’s “Don’t Say Gay” bill that advanced in the state’s Senate last month. “It’s like they created the bill just…
California Voters Call for Retroactive Impeachment of Schwarzenegger
Millions of California voters are jumping on the bandwagon calling for the impeachment of former Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in order to cut off his government pension they say is helping fund his multiple households. Mildred Commoner is a 36-year old…
Vermont Passes Immigration Law Aimed at Know-it-All Writers
Montpelier, VERMONT—Governor Peter Shumlin signed into law yesterday an Arizona-style bill to stop the immigration of know-it-all writers who are overcrowding the state’s MFA programs and forcing the state to create even more jobs that the writers are sure to…
Trump Ends Presidential Bid Due to Medical Condition
Donald Trump announced today that he won’t be seeking the GOP nomination for President in 2012. While many speculated it was because he realized that he would have a hard time securing that nomination, even if he bought it, the…
Newt Gingrich Blames Obama for Setting Marital Standards Too High
For the second time this year, Newt Gingrich has announced nationally that he is definitely considering making a run for President of the United States on the GOP ticket. He admits he has some hurdles to overcome and addressed those…
Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu
WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu. “Let me be clear. We are not limiting these…
Birthers Regroup After Minor Setback, Demand REAL Documents
Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born…
Darkest Horse in the Race Officially Announces Candidacy For President
The following missive was delivered soaking wet with mud stains to the local publisher of dead, compressed tree pulp with black ink smathered across it: Dear Aspen Daily News, It is a great grievance to me to have not been…
Montana’s Governor — Blazing Hot, Full o’ Crap, or Crapaliciously Both?
HELENA, MT. – With his “Burning Corn Cob Juggling Act” on the skids, Democratic Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, brazenly rejected 17 Republican bills using a red hot branding iron. Frenetic steers in the crowd collapsed at the sight of the…