Category: Politics
Mitt Romney Accepts Monkey on Back
Mitt Romney announced today that he will accept the Republican nomination for President wearing a STAPLES logo stitched to his back. “And no, my friends,” Romney joked to the partisan crowd. “The logo won’t actually be stapled to my back….
Sources Reveal Mitt Romney’s Past Membership in Gangsta Rap Group
The Washington Post has recently reported details from Governor Mitt Romney’s past that may derail the presumptive Republican candidate’s goal of the White House in the 2012 Presidential Election. Quoting a variety of anonymous sources, the Post has reported that…
Mitt Ryan Picks Paul Romney for VP; and a Political Bromance Blossoms
In one of the most romantic scenes since Gosling kissed McAdams in the rain, former governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts offered Congressman Paul Ryan of Wisconsin his hand in political matrimony. Not only did Governor Romney offer Ryan a place…
Mitt Romney Interview Accidentally Ruined by Candor
Recently I had a dream that one of my publications was big enough and safe enough that I could get an interview with Mitt Romney. The thought of someone having enough access and gravitas to actually ask a hard question…
Obama Has Had It, Drops Out of the Race and Out of the Presidency
President Obama has shocked the nation when, at his monthly public address, he announced that he was quitting the Presidential race. Millions of voters across the nation were either shocked, angered or joyous at the incident. As you can probably…
Romney Proposes Leveraged Buyout of California
ORANGE COUNTY, CA: Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney flipped burgers on a grill at a fundraising luncheon for his campaign in Laguna Beach today, priced at fifty thousand dollars per French fry with burger prices going to the highest bidder over…
Romney Reaches out to Women Voters… From Behind
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MITT ROMNEY REACHES OUT TO WOMEN. Trailing President Obama by more than 16 points among potential women voters, Mitt Romney announced a new and dramatic three-point outreach strategy to increase his appeal to women. Noting recent research from…
Romney Campaign Crashes Into Yet Another Tree
While driving his three nation campaign BlitzMobile at a high rate of speed, Mitt Romney apparently fell asleep at the wheel and crashed his vehicle into a tree. “Candidate Romney is pretty banged up,” said a spokesman, “but he’s resting…
11 Reasons Sarah Palin Was A Better VP Pick Than Dick Cheney
Ex Minister of Vice Dick Cheney has come out (no, not out of the closet. Don’t we wish!) and said that Sarah Palin was a poor choice for Vice President. Well son of a gun! It’s the pot calling the…
U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse
The Senate unexpectedly and unintentionally bursts into verse this morning as the legislators were conducting their routine opening procedures. The following is the official Congressional transcript of this incident. CONGRESSIONAL RECORD PROCEEDINGS AND DEBATES OF THE 112TH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION…