PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE MITT ROMNEY REACHES OUT TO WOMEN. Trailing President Obama by more than 16 points among potential women voters, Mitt Romney announced a new and dramatic three-point outreach strategy to increase his appeal to women.
Noting recent research from the University of Virginia strongly indicates that women prefer men with tight, shapely butts, especially in the important 20 to 30 year-old female demographic, Mitt, with Ann’s help, purchased a pair of Armani Buttlicious® jeans, guaranteed to shape and lift the male derriere.
New polling numbers already show Romney gaining in the important butt preference category on Obama who does not appear to actually have a butt. “If I can use my butt to help save America, then that’s what I must do,” said Romney.
“For my second but equally important strategy,” announced Romney, “I will create a new cabinet level department, the first since Homeland Security in 2003, called the Department of Women’s Affairs. This new department will deal with issues related to women. I will ask Ann tomorrow just what those issues are.
She would know being a woman and all that. I don’t know why Obama didn’t think of this. And finally, to demonstrate to women all over this great country of ours that I’m not just a pretty face and tight rear end, but am very serious about their little feminine issues, Ann and I have decided to adopt a shelter kitten.
The kitten, which we will name, ‘Take Back Our American Freedoms From the Antichrist Obama,’ will be properly vetted, converted to Mormonism and house broken. ‘Take Back’ and I will campaign all over America to show women my softer furrier side.”
Crass, but I see where you’re coming from. Romney will be anything to anybody no matter who he’s talking to just to earn those five votes. He’s a real no-class clown.
I would seriously doubt his butt looks like anything better than two pressed hams in ladies stockings… not that there’s anything wrong with that.