Category: Top Stories
Obama Vows to Kick Lobbyists Out of Washington Offices
Plans on Turning K Street into a Giant Dunk Tank WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) -– Today, President Barack Obama took one of his strongest stands to date against the corporate interests dogging his efforts to bring true change to America. Not…
Senator Apologizes to Conquistadors
NUEVO LAREDO, Texas (GlossyNews) — In a move termed a ‘head scratcher’ by DC insiders, TX Senator Denton R. Fender this week released a statement aimed at rapprochement towards Spain, and some people who have been dead for five centuries….
Britain Invades US Over 4th of July Humiliation
Great Britain has invaded the United States of America in a fit of irritation over the glee showed during Independence day festivities, and to win back the valuable territory lost in both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812….
GOP Takes Issue with Democrats Breathing In or Out
RICHMOND, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In a statement today endorsed by Republicans in both the Senate and the House, the entire Republican party has taken issue with the breathing patterns of Democrats. “We feel that once again the Democrats are flip-flopping…
Video Surfaces of Missing Glossy News Journalist
SNOHOMISH, Washington (GlossyNewsSA) — It remains uncertain whether legendary correspondent Blake Pennywhistle is alive or dead, but recent developments at least hold reason for hope. A DVD was left taped to the coffee machine at Glossy News NYC headquarters, sometime…
Gore Claims He Invented the ‘Happy Ending’
BALLSTON, Virginia (GlossyNews) — Mired amid controversy of alleged infidelity and sexual misconduct, former Vice President and prominent global warming activist, Al Gore, angrily dismissed these accusations today at a press corps luncheon.
Obama Receives Hockey’s Lady Byng Award
MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, New York, NY (GlossyNews) — A puck rang off the iron heads of the NHL’s finest this weekend as Gary Bettman announced Barack Obama recipient of the coveted Lady Byng award. The players, who had waited all…
Miners in Ghana Feared Dead or Taking Dives to Protest Working Conditions
ACCRA, Ghana (GlossyNews) — According to local officials in Ghana, at least 32 miners from Dunkwa Akyempim are feared dead after the gold mine they were working in collapsed from torrential rains. Although the accident occurred on Sunday, rescue efforts…
Sen. Byrd’s Death Ruled Bizarre Act of Self Mutilation
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — West Virginia Sen. Robert Carlyle Byrd, the longest-serving member of Congress and the self-educated son of a coal miner, died Monday at age 92. Byrd was born Cornelius Calvin Sale Jr. on November 20, 1917, in…
Palin Stops Short of Referring to Self as Martyr (Barely)
TURLOCK, Calif. (GlossyNews) — In yet another controversial appearance of Sarah Palin, this time at the California State University, Stanislaus campus, Sarah complained of how her message is being met with the same controversy over and over–that she is undeserving…