Category: Top Stories
The Canadian Association of Political Satirists Says “Meh”
Canadian political satirists have apparently thrown in the towel. Mr. I. Ron Knee, national president of the Canadian Association of Political Satirists announced at a recent press conference that his association would be disbanding next month. “I guess, in retrospect,…
City of Toronto Press Office Issues City Obituary
DEATH NOTICE – The City of Toronto — The City of Toronto (known to her friends as The Greater Toronto Area or GTA for short) expired on November 14th in the Council Chamber of City Hall. The immediate cause of…
Insider Opens Shelter for Regretful & Embittered Advertisers
Dateline: NEW YORK—Hugo “Sellout” Slickster, a recovering ex-advertiser, opened The Center for Alienated and Cynical Advertisers (CACA). Its mission is to provide support for advertisers who are withdrawn and embittered because their job forces them to dehumanize consumers and thus…
Republicans Finally Come Up With Health Care Plan For ‘Those People’
The Republicans, after years of doing nothing but bash President Obama’s Health Care Act, have at last introduced one of their own. Pooling their vast knowledge of human caring with aid from their endless sources of think tanks they have…
Backward-Walking Politician has Limited Use of Political Platitudes
Due to a rare neurological disorder, Rupert Farfenoogle can walk only backwards. He can’t face backwards, so he uses a system of rearview mirrors strapped around his upper arms to see where he’s walking. From a young age, Mr. Farfenoogle…
Dispelling the Myths About Seatac’s $15 Minimum Wage
I’ve been active with the Yes on Prop One (Seatac’s citizen initative to raise minimum wage for airport workers to $15/hr) since I signed the petition. There are a lot of myths and misconceptions out there, so let’s clear them…
Stripped of More Constitutionally Sacred Freedoms, Hoosiers View Impending Smoking Ban as No Big Whoop
INDIANAPOLIS – In light of the Indiana Supreme Court’s decision last May declaring it illegal to resist unlawful police entry into their homes and the recently passed National Defense Authorization Act of 2012, a provision of which permits indefinite detention…
Torontonians Say Mayor Rob Ford’s Scandals Make their City Too Interesting
Dateline: TORONTO—Toronto’s citizens are mortified by the world’s mockery of their Mayor Rob Ford for his many scandals, such as his admitting to having smoked crack cocaine while in office, because they fear Toronto will lose its status as the…
Forget Black Friday, It’s Time for Red, White & Blue Friday
We spend so much time working like hell to spend so much money buying worthless crap made in China to impress people we might not even like. This year, let’s skip the sweatshop goods and buy local to make Christmas…
Tribal Antics of Canadian Question Period Melt Face off of Skull, Study Shows
Dateline: OTTAWA—A study headed by Dr. Lawrence Dipplerdoo, medical researcher at McGill University, indicates that excessive exposure to Question Period at the Canadian House of Commons can be fatal. In an interview, Dr. Dipplerdoo said that if you watch all…