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How Old is Too Old for an iPhone?

How Old is Too Old for an iPhone?

Oberlin, OH — Annabel Smith, local 2 year old, coos as she goes through her mother’s iPhone, the screen illuminating her round face.

The iPhone is well equipped with several apps specifically for babies, such as Dora’s Ballet Adventure, and thousands of Anabel’s “selfies”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Technology1 Comment

New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?

New Pet Food Triggers Outrage; Breadsticks for Kim Jong-un?

Damascus, Iowa – A new line of products released by Pet Food Enterprises, Inc., that was intended to provide humor and admiration over the recent extinction of Olive Garden restaurants and the late breadsticks offered complimentary with the purchase of any entrée, has completely backfired. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Science & Technologizzy4 Comments

Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends

Hog Farmers Proudly Sell Parts Right to the Bitter, Musky Ends

Social media has blown up with images of an actual box of American made pork product, the “Boneless Pork Rectum, Inverted”. We take you inside this unusual treat.

Boneless means without bone. Pork is the industry term for pig products. A rectum, well, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much and it’s daddy’s birthday. Oh, never mind, I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Health2 Comments

Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)

Travelocity; Genius, Evil or Evil Genius? (We’ll find out Monday)

When I went to book my upcoming trip I found the best deal at Travelocity.com, but at what price? The answer may surprise you.

It sure as hell surprised me, and perhaps not in the good way.

I booked a one-stop flight for a competitive $1,118, only to find two days later that it wasn’t simply booked for the wrong days, but the entire wrong months. I should have caught this in booking, but I didn’t, and since a few minutes past 24-hours had passed, it was not eligible for cancellation. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Travel4 Comments

Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

Golden Gate Bridge “Suicide Net System” to Attract Acrobats From Around the Globe

San Francisco – The city council has approved spending tens of millions of dollars to construct a system of safety nets under the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to thwart future suicide attempts which have plagued the landmark for decades. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out

“My Hard Drive Crashed” In as Most Used Excuse, “Dog Ate my Homework” Out

Rio Linda, CA – People have excuses for everything. For years, kids have notoriously used the well-known excuse, “My dog ate my homework”, when wanting to excuse why they didn’t do their homework. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest, Society2 Comments

Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged

Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged

A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another.

The young boy’s mother was left crying her tears out, but none of it mattered, for the people were too busy stealing from one another and justifying them with “justice”. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, World News0 Comments

Cattle Rancher Cliven Bundy Actually a Front For Putin’s Seizure of American Territory

Cattle Rancher Cliven Bundy Actually a Front For Putin’s Seizure of American Territory

The word is out on Nevada renegade cattle rancher Cliven Bundy. Recent evidence has shown that the cantankerous old cow rebel who refused to pay the government for using BLM land for grazing is actually a front man for Russian President Putin’s plot to covertly seize American land. In one fell swoop Bundy has gone from being the ‘patriotic’ symbol of a true American to being the worst sort of communist.

RIGHT: Bubba and Igor. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com. Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People0 Comments

Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S

Univision Goes Bankrupt After Soap Operas are Banned in the U.S

After Congress presented the U.S with a bill called “HIJO DE SU PUTA MADRE”, the corporation responsible for distributing the Hispanic culture’s entertainment programs on television, Univision, was declared bankrupt, leaving thousands in ruin and on the streets.

One man, Felipe Pancho Francisco Guadalupe Hidalgo de la Rosa, told us that “ever since the banning, my wife and kids have been spending their time outside of the kitchen and socializing with people. It’s horrible.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Strange People, Television0 Comments

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused.

“I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking corn in front of everybody like a mad man,” said one witness who testified against Jimmy. “If you want to crack corn, that’s your own business, but you shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff in public!” he said. Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Strange People4 Comments

Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back

Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back

Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”.

When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded by stating, “Hey, at least it wasn’t in the back.”

The judge was surprised by their testimonies and decided to let them go off with a warning, only if they promised to never do it again. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Internets Tubes0 Comments

Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record

Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record

The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky.

It is estimated that since the Church of Scientology is currently the popular religion, millions of little boys are at risk of getting their assholes pounded like a bunch of monkeys at the local zoo. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Religionism1 Comment

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