Category: Society
Marks & Spencer Clerks to Spot Suicidal Shoppers
Under the latest EU legislation to impose a Big Bully federal state, the UK’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has ordained that the likes of hairdressers and taxi drivers are to be trained to help spot vulnerable people who might be…
Library Scissors: Weapons of Mass Distraction?
Greater London’s Scumdale Hamlets council has apologised after a student was refused the loan of a pair of scissors in a library because she ‘might stab a member of staff’. Rita McScrunt, a 15-year old mother of three, had her…
EU Big Brother to Microchip All UK Pets
Now even dogs and cats – and likewise all British household pets – from the cuddly furry to the feathery plumaged to piscine and reptilian scaly – cannot escape the clutches of the Orwellian surveillance state. Under EU plans being…
Woman Labeled ‘Too Dumb’ to Marry, Though Technically Doable
UK social workers following the latest batch of the EU’s totalitarian Communist Federation regulations being imposed on this once-sceptered isle have banned a young woman from her own wedding in a ridiculous broughaha over whether she is bright enough to…
Kid’s Cold Hits Head Like Like Hammer of Snot
If ever I had reason to complain about something, this would probably be it. I mean, I would complain about it, if only I could, but I just can’t. I’m much too under the weather to protest. Still, I have…
“E-Coli Closes Petting Zoos” Says Captain Obvious
Parents should not allow young children to touch animals at petting zoos around the Southampton area of the south coast of England, a Porton Down germ warfare centre microbiologist advised a reporter from the Daily Shitraker amid fears of an…
Hippies in Power: Cars to Blame for ‘All’ Bike Crunches
New Labour’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has come up with a brilliant scheme to introduce novel laws in a bid to promote greener transport methods and are considering making motorists legally responsible for all fender-bender accidents involving cyclists or pedestrians…
UK Churches Embrace “Seek the Meek” Week, Weakly
A senior bishop claims the Church of England must shed its upper class ‘Mamon & Snobfords’ supermarket image to attract more of the ‘Grotty Grocer’ type of unemployed landless peasant worshippers away from Sunday morning breakfast TV and Scrapheap Challenge…
Guinness Records: Hardest, Oldest, Smallest & Tallest
And now – the latest Guinness World Records: A two-time Guinness record holder is hoping to enter the prestigious compendium yet again with a third placing by completing 100 push-ups in 60 seconds – using his penis – while viewing…
A Score of Things That Mean It’s Sunday
Last week the Sunday Shitraker magazine’s ‘Nostalgia’ feature focused on the impact of 15 years of Sunday trading by greedy, grasping commercial enterprises abusing the Sabbath by seducing and enticing the brain-dead public at large to plunge themselves even deeper…