Category: Talky Pictures
Breadsticks Power Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Remake
New York City, New York – Heroes in a half shell, breadstick power! This is the updated catchphrase in the newest remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, scheduled to be released in the United States on August 8th. The film…
Johnny Depp Unveils Breadlocks as Disney Announces Latest Sequel
Burbank, California – The Walt Disney Company made an exciting announcement over the weekend promoting their latest sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise that doubles as a poignant tribute to the recently extinct Olive Garden restaurant chain….
Japanese Accused of “Fat-Shaming” Godzilla, Warner Brothers of “Cultural Appropriation”
As the film Godzilla approaches it’s US May 16th debut, the grievance industry got started early when the internetz and blogosphere exploded late Friday after a new trailer of the movie was released by Warner Brothers. Japanese fan groups accused…
Original Cast of Jaws Reunites for Breadsterastyx, Adds Eddie Murphy
Hollywood, California – In an exciting turn of events on Thursday, DreamWorks Studios announced that it has finished filming a new movie in honor of the fallen Olive Garden restaurant chain and the prehistoric dinosaur that started it all, Breadsterastyx….
Pirates Found With Dead Navy Seals on Maersk Alabama
Seychelles police have confirmed three deceased Ethiopian pirates were found along with two retired Navy Seal security personnel discovered dead on the Maersk Alabama this last weekend. The three pirates carried Ethiopian passports and appeared to be dressed as Captian…
“The Night They Raided Minskys” Reviewed by a Guy Who Even Saw the Flick
Released in 1968 this flick could have been made today as a relevant retrospective to burlesque. The naughty nature of burlesque versus the rude routines that pass as suggestive stage entertainment today are in stark contrast when you compare today’s…
“I, Frankenstein” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick
All I have to say about Liongate’s newest offering I, Frankenstein is “Oh, my Gawd! Who got paid to make this bullsh*t?” This latest robitussin induced nightmare from the creators of “UNDERWORLD” comes from the jacked up graphic novel “I,…
Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s Publicist Says Death’s Timing “Unlucky”
An impromptu poll in Variety Magazine Online has voted actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman “Unluckiest Person in the World” after dying of a heroin overdose on Superbowl Sunday. Hoffman, best known for his work in “Boogie Nights” and Oscar winning performance…
“The Legend of Hercules” Reviewed by a Guy Who Never Even Saw the Flick
The New York Times reports that it unintentionally ran a movie review of “The Legend of Hercules” written by a guy who never even saw the flick. The Lionsgate film which reportedly cost $70 million dollars to make brought in…
The Joker’s YouTube Video Fails to Trend
The Joker flew into a rage following failure of his new YouTube video to go viral. Efforts to sedate him similarly failed due to his high tolerance to anti-psychotic drugs. According to psychiatrists at Arkham,” Hell, his half-assed effort to…