Author: Sheree Shatsky
Ruh Ro: Romney Concedes Florida Let the Dogs Out
GlossyNews.com – TALLAHASSEE — Mitt Romney conceded Florida early election night, roof-racked by a story he could not shake. Animal activists nationwide hounded Romney the length of the campaign for strapping Seamus, the family dog to the roof of the…
Evangelicals Just Say (Hell) No to Romney
GlossyNews.com – WASHINGTON, DC — Destruction wrought by Hurricane Sandy finds evangelicals staying home rather than casting a vote for Mitt Romney, Virgil Goode or Mickey Mouse. The “Lord’s Will” movement initially organized to support evangelical voters in religious despair…
Dixville Notch Grabs Crotch for President
GlossyNews.com – DIXVILLE NOTCH — It’s midnight in Dixville Notch, ten registered voters, one minute to vote, it’s dark, cold and everyone wore a Mackinaw, though few would tell us what exactly that is. By 12:05 a.m., the 2012 Presidential…
Jesus Imaginary Christ: Snake Worshipers for Romney
GlossyNews.com – LEXINGTON — Appalachian state exit polls reflect 47% of snake worshipers scribbled an “X” for Romney while others claimed disenfranchisement of their right to vote. Election Protection logged a number of phone reports claiming a Kentucky polling place…
Oh, the Rovanity
FORT LAUDERDALE–Tumult ensued following initial reports that the crash of a Mitt Romney blimp was instead determined to be the explosion of Karl Rove’s much talked about brain. The head of the conservative political analyst and FOX NEWS favorite spontaneously…
The Tea Party Fat Lady in the Closet
I once viewed the Tea Party as the Paul Potts of politics, supported by ordinary people a bit rough around the edges, yet capable of great accomplishments. Potts, an unassuming man who sold mobile phones for a living, stood solo…
Cookie Monster “Loses Cookies” at Local Grocery
NEW YORK–Sesame Street star Cookie Monster was admitted to an unnamed psychiatric center following a cookie incident at Hooper’s Store. The beloved character filled twenty shopping carts with cookies before being approached by store personnel. Onlookers described the puppet as…
Welcome to the Hotel Post-Bush Tax Cuts
Discount hotel chains nationwide plan to leave the light on for a new breed of budget-conscious traveler—America’s most wealthy citizens. After Dr. Hamilton Lempert, a Cincinnati emergency room doctor, conveyed to NPR that expiration of the Bush tax cuts at…
Hoffa Digs Romney
The search for Jimmy Hoffa has uncovered the unexpected. Shreds of paper found embedded within core samples of earth removed from beneath the concrete driveway of a suburban Detroit home where Hoffa reportedly lie buried appear to be the missing…
Oy Vey: Seinfeld to Play Romney in Biopic
Jerry Seinfeld has been cast to play Governor Mitt Romney in a yet unnamed feature film. How hard can it be to play an empty suit? Ask Jerry. “The hardest part will be keeping up with this guy. Romney, he’s…