Author: Sheree Shatsky
Cents and Sensibility (Though Neither of Either)
Singles seeking sensibility over sexuality crashed newbie dating site Pension Singles just thirty minutes into its Valentine’s Day launch. Hailed as the middle class man (or woman’s) Millionaires Match, the newbie Internet matchmaker promises quality matches between those who slaved…
Obama Executive Order Forgives Teacher Debt
WASHINGTON DC–President Obama signed an executive order today forgiving college loan debt held by America’s public school teachers. “Let me be perfectly clear. America’s teachers have worked too hard for far too long, for little pay and even less respect,”…
Florida Teachers Take the Heat, Won’t Pack It
Florida law bans guns in school so all talk about arming teachers on the job is well, a crap shoot. In fact, for all the talk, talk, talk no such legislation (as of this date, give them time, it’s early)…
New Year Baby Refuses to be Born
SAN FRANCISCO–The first baby of New Year 2013 is refusing to depart his mother’s womb. The child–identified during the first trimester as a boy and subsequently named Jonah by his parents—stated from in utero, he would permit another infant to…
Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA
WASHINGTON DC–Motorcycle clubs across America have accepted the challenge to protect this country’s schools. NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school. America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support….
Pick a Peck of Pilgrim Pepper
Supermarket chains across the United States have agreed to forgo advertising depicting happy families gathered together in celebration and good cheer this holiday season. Although researchers insist an increase in suicide attempts during the holidays has proved largely a myth,…
Newspapers Sleep with the Fishes
MIAMI–Newspapers became unwitting casualties of Black Friday after holiday shoppers swore off traditional sales marketing to shop discounts by smartphone. “I got the paper once a week, on Sundays and only for the coupons,” said one early morning shopper. “No…
200 Cows Standing in a Field (or Not)
ORLANDO–My choice to drive State Road 528 over to Orlando International instead of my usual route via Highway 1-92 through Kissimmee proved premonition pops up more often than not. The emergency broadcast system cut off Buckethead and the crew over…
Allen West concedes defeat– “All I want to do is dance.”
TALLAHASSEE–Allen West conceded today that life was way too short to sit back and count votes. The defeated GOP incumbent congressman from Florida has decided instead to toss the political towel to newly elected Patrick Murphy, Democrat, freeing West to…
Girl Scouts Rappel Off the Fiscal Cliff for IKEA
DENVER–One hundred girls celebrated the one hundredth anniversary of the Girl Scouts today by dangling off the fiscal cliff. All participants wore safety gear while standing on the rungs of a mile-long rope ladder lashed together by scouts rocking the…