CIA Playing Hardball with Obama

In an exclusive interview with the Washington Times, a senior CIA official said the Agency was in payback mode with the White House.

Insisting he be referred to only as “Leon P” to protect his identity, the official revealed that CIA officers were furious when the President unleashed the Justice Department on the Agency over torture allegations.

“Obama messed with us, and he’ll pay a price. Wherever he goes, we’ll be listening: The Situation Room, Camp David, a bathroom in the Residence with the water running and the radio on—we’ll hear it. And we’ll share it with the American people at a time and place of our choosing.”

The official claims the following is a transcript of a recent conversation between President Obama and Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick:

EMANUEL: Governor Patrick of Massachusetts is here, sir.

PATRICK: Mr. President. How can I be of service?

OBAMA: Thanks for coming, Deval. Well, I know you promised to keep Ted’s seat, uh, in the family until January’s special election—appointing a placeholder who’d give me that extra vote in the Senate until then.

PATRICK: Count on it, sir. Our legislature’s on board. We will honor Teddy’s request to reverse the law he championed to keep a Republican governor from choosing a senator.

OBAMA: That man, always looking out for his country. Problem is, Deval, the way my numbers are dropping, a Republican could pick off that seat in the special election.

PATRICK: Hadn’t thought that far ahead.

OBAMA: Governor, I talked to Ted just before he passed. He changed his mind about a placeholder appointment. He said to me, he said, “Barack, tell Deval, tell Deval [cough, cough] to please ask the legislature to do one thing for me so that I can rest in peace for eternity; ask them to eliminate the special election entirely and appoint a Kennedy to finish my term.”

PATRICK: My heart is breaking, sir. We’ll go him one better: we’ll create the Kennedy Memorial Senate Seat, to be filled in perpetuity only by someone with certifiable Kennedy DNA.

OBAMA: That’s good, Deval, but . . . suppose some day there are no Kennedys interested in public service? Then where are we? So, make it the “Kennedy Memorial Democratic Senate Seat.” It’ll take a couple of years for the inevitable Republican challenge to reach the Supremes, and by then, I’ll have SCOTUS in my pocket.

PATRICK: Consider it done, sir. You’re looking lovely today, Mrs. Obama.

MICHELLE: What a nice man! When Deval loses his reelection bid, I want him in and Dean out as Party Chairman. You hear me, Barack?

“Leon P” promised additional revelations would be forthcoming. A tease: “Reverend Wright may think he’s conducting private services in the Residence, on Sundays, but he’s not. Watch Hannity tomorrow for the tape of last Sunday’s homily to the First Family.”

Author: Sagman44

Sagman44 was born in Brooklyn and taught language skills in a New York City alternative school for troubled Utes. When the federal government defunded the program in 1994, the Utes returned to their ancestral homeland outside Salt Lake City, and Sagman44 began a career as a leg shark and loan-breaker for dyslexic mobsters. One legacy of Sagman44’s time in education: his distaste for arrogant teens and the expression, “F--- you.” He spends his spare time roaming the city with a can of spray paint, examining subway walls and tenement halls, adding “th” to the curse wherever he finds it.

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