Charlie Brown-Lucy Reunion Ends Badly

Charlie Brown-Lucy Reunion Ends Badly

Another chapter in the long history of unintended consequences was written this week, as two former child stars found themselves in the no longer adoring media spotlight. By all accounts, things began innocently enough at the Aaron Burr High School reunion for the Class of ’86. It was later in the evening’s festivities that events began to spiral terribly out of control. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News0 Comments

Poor Can No Longer Protect Rich From Harsh Realities Of Life

Poor Can No Longer Protect Rich From Harsh Realities Of Life

Tragedy has hit the upper levels of our society today as the economic crisis has caused many of the rich to lose their cushion of poor people that have previously protected them from having to experience the basics of life. Many of the rich now have to polish their own silverware, trim their own gardens, do their own sewing due to their staff having starved to death or not having the money or transportation to even get to work. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Fossils Fuel Heated Debate Between US Ski Resorts

Fossils Fuel Heated Debate Between US Ski Resorts

California’s Mammoth Mountain has long been regarded as superior to Colorado’s Snowmass ski resort. Smug shrugs turned to doubtful whispers this week on news Snowmass now has a huge ‘but’ to add to the friendly rivalry.

Snowmass has a REAL mammoth, and a mastodon, and a couple prehistoric bison, and a ground sloth the size of an opera singer, and I am not making this up. During recent efforts to enlarge Zeigler reservoir, Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest0 Comments

Ringling Brothers Circus Sues Republicans And Democrats Over Rights ToThe Title “Greatest Circus  On Earth”.

Ringling Brothers Circus Sues Republicans And Democrats Over Rights ToThe Title “Greatest Circus On Earth”.

Ringling Brothers Circus is suing both the Republican and Democratic Parties for infringements on the copyright claim of running ‘The Biggest Circus In The World’. The Ringling Brothers, for a century the largest traveling circus on the circuit, is now upset that the two Presidential Parties are now cutting into their business.

“Our clowns are at least professional!” stated Ringling Manager Chuck D. Cheese, a midget with the circus, as I held the mike down so he could speak up into it. “When we get laughs it is because we intend to. And we don’t wear no three piece suits trying to look normal.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People, Top Stories2 Comments

Recycling Republicans

Recycling Republicans

SCENARIO- A secret laboratory deep underground beneath the American Heritage Think Tank And Karaoke Lounge in Washington. It is a room filled with strange scientific paraphernalia- tubes transporting strangely colored liquids run here and there connecting into buzzing machines. Varied colored indicator lights flicker on and off. All of these things seem to center upon a mysterious, human-shaped chamber filled with swirling gases in the middle of the room. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Technology1 Comment

An Up Close Look at Australian Animals From Hell

An Up Close Look at Australian Animals From Hell

No, I am not going to write about kangaroos.

I am not that cheap. Everybody who wants to write funny stories about Australia writes about kangaroos. I refuse to stoop that low. They are too easy a target, too cheap a shot. I will, however, write about koala bears. I may not be cheap, but I have my limits. Koala bears sell.

Just to show how thin the line between humor and reality is at times I have put an asterisk before items that really, actually and truly did happen. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science8 Comments

Secret Manifesto Found Jammed In Michigan Capitol Front Door

Secret Manifesto Found Jammed In Michigan Capitol Front Door

The following was found jammed in the Michigan State Capitol Building front door by a janitor arriving early for work on Monday:

MANIFESTO FOR THE LIBERATION OF THE UPPER PENINSULA FROM THE TYRANNY OF THE STATE OF MICHIGAN AND RETURNING IT TO ITS PROPER PLACE AS AN APPENDAGE OF WISCONSIN.

Let this document stand as a statement of intent by the Wisconsin Underground Saboteur Society For the Insurrection and Eventual Setting Free of The UP (W.U.S.S.I.E.S.) to liberate the so named Upper Peninsula from years of subjugation by the repressive forces of the state of Michigan. Continue Reading

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Posted in Human Interest6 Comments

Keeping Up with the Ex-Presidents Broadcasts Live from the White House

Keeping Up with the Ex-Presidents Broadcasts Live from the White House

President-elect Obama today had lunch with four former Presidents- Bush 1 and 2, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. George Bush Sr. from habit wiped his hands with a sanitized wipe after shaking Obama’s hand. All gave him bits of advice from their Presidential experience.

Mini-me Bush showed him the secret drawer on the desk where he could quickly stash his video game if guests arrived unexpectedly. Carter suggested that he not lust in his heart. Clinton suggested he not lust in his pants. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics0 Comments

Discovery Of Male ‘Penis Brain’ Excites Researchers

Discovery Of Male ‘Penis Brain’ Excites Researchers

Physiological scientists have made an amazing discovery in that man (and we mean specifically ‘man’ here, not ‘wo-man’) much like the dinosaurs of ancient times, possess a second brain located in an extremity of the body. Both man and dinosaurs have the similarity of having a major brain in their heads that regulates most of their bodily functions, but, whereas dinosaurs have a second, smaller brain in their tail ends, man’s has been discovered in his penis tip. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science0 Comments

Ann Coulter’s Torrid Love Email to Radical Christian Murderer Breivik

Ann Coulter’s Torrid Love Email to Radical Christian Murderer Breivik

The ever intrepid Wonki Leaks has scored another scoop with a revealing email sent by the acid blooded extreme American right winger Ann Coulter to the Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik.

Hacked from Breivik’s email account by Rupert Murdoch himself, then rehacked from Murdoch by fellow Australian Julian Assange personally, the tidbit became an instant internet smash when released. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Strange People1 Comment

Rock Climbing- A Sport For The Daring And The Deranged

Rock Climbing- A Sport For The Daring And The Deranged

Rock Climbing: A Sport for the Daring And the Deranged – Part I

Life is not interesting enough for some people, so they come up with sports like rock climbing to compensate for it. Rock climbing is the sport where people (many of whom have not fully advanced on the scale of total human evolution, still possessing more of the simian attributes for climbing, not to mention they are hairy as hell) climb up rocks, ie. BIG rocks like MOUNTAINS) on skimpy ropes that resemble oversized clotheslines. Continue Reading

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Posted in Sports3 Comments

N. Dakota Found to be Illegitimate State; Canada Seizes It

N. Dakota Found to be Illegitimate State; Canada Seizes It

A recent disturbing discovery by a North Dakotan historian has revealed a disturbing fact about one of the least popular states in the union- the fact that it is not a state.

John Rolczynski has discovered that the governor and the state deputies at the time of it’s founding never took the oaths of office necessary to give North Dakota statehood. Continue Reading

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Posted in World News0 Comments

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