Wall Street, in a surprising move today, declared itself a separate governing republic and detached from the US. Always considered a bulwark of staunch capitalism, the recent bailout has changed the economic thinking of it’s leaders. Upon succession Wall Str. renamed itself “The Socialist Republic of Wall Str.”. Hugo Chavez sent them a telegram of congratulations.

Critics of this development suggest that having achieved independence Wall Str. would not have to return the $700 billion handout. Continue Reading

Detroit, MI (GlossyNews) — The citizens of the United States today in a mass movement became the largest bank in the world. Strapped with the responsibility of saving huge financial institutions from insolvency and the auto industry as well as a number of other enterprises, the public finally collectively decided to incorporate themselves.

Demanding a return for their hard-earned taxes, the people insisted that the institutions pay an interest rate of 15% Continue Reading

Rising to meet the current celebrity fiasco involving extra-marital affairs, Hollywood based Psychological Resources group has set up a new service to aid those stars who are unable to keep their sexual organs within the family sphere of things. Starting a group called “What the Hell Is Wrong with You? Don’t You Know How Good You Got It?” it will attempt to make it clear to interned celebrities that they have it sexually about as well as you can ever get it. Continue Reading

New York, NY — In a unique reversal of its former policy of attracting the poor and oppressed for its legions of bomb makers and bomb blowers, Al-Queda has changed its strategy to recruiting young, rich Westerners to its agenda instead. The world’s premier terrorist organization is now attempting to attract yuppies to fill its ranks. For example, here is the latest video outing from Osama bin Laden himself, patron saint of the Terrorist movement: Continue Reading

The worlds first space vehicle designed to allow passengers to experience space travel and weightlessness was hijacked today by robotic Cylons demanding that they be flown to somewhere called the “12 Colonies”. The Virgin Galactic was just preparing for takeoff when a number of metal, evil looking robots entered the bridge by force and took control. Continue Reading

(Information received by word of mouth via the north Pakistan grapevine)

Osama bin Laden’s cave has become crowded beyond capacity due to President Obama’s decision to send an additional 30,000 US troops to Afghanistan. Every Taliban member not busy committing suicide in a crowded place occupied by infidels is pushing to get into the cave as it is the only place where they are guaranteed not to be found by the military. Continue Reading

Thousands of fir trees have been mysteriously disappearing from forests around the Western world in the last few weeks. Forest rangers making their rounds have been shocked to find many conifers, mostly young ones between three and six feet tall, missing with only short stumps to mark where they had been. Experts have expressed fears that there is some sort of trafficking in evergreens going on, perhaps even an international trade. Continue Reading

The time of year has come for the great Christmas race between the tortoise and the hare.  Those who know Aesop’s fable, know it as a moralizing tale.  In this case, it involves a total lack of morals whatsoever.  This race is also symbolic — the hare is the representative body of United Parcel Service and the tortoise is the United States Postal Service.  Each year they compete for the affections of a public determined to send Christmas presents to relatives, friends and colleagues. Continue Reading

The Salvation Army has reported a higher than normal number of Christmas bell ringers going mad this holiday season.  Every year there are always a few who go loopy from the constant ringing of their little hand bells and the stress of keeping up a smile and good spirits while having to stand outside in one place in the cold for hours while mothers with their snotty brats walk buy making rude remarks and cars splash filthy mud over them. Continue Reading

In a controversial incident on Fox News, Bill O’Reilly was interviewing God, asking how the Almighty could come to allow the Democrats to run both the Senate and White House. During God’s attempt to explain that he had to be fair to all sides, O’Reilly got peeved when God started to explain the Democrats point of view and constantly interrupted Him. Midway through the show O’Reilly blew his stack and told God to “Shut up!” Continue Reading

In a tradition that dates back to the time of the first white European navigators, the federal government, composed mostly of old white men, will change the name of the Hawaiian islands to something more Aryan- they will be renamed the ‘Bob Islands’.

With the dumbing down of Americans in the latest generations (think George Bush) educators are finding that students have trouble pronouncing and spelling even such common, but foreign names as Hawaii, Honolulu, Waikiki and karaoke. Continue Reading

A huge influx of cheap-good laden ships from Mainland China caused Homeland Security to raise its insecurity level to the orange level today. Normally, goods coming in from China raise no terrorist alerts, but due to the present economic crisis the agency has become aware that the importing of cut-rate merchandise from the former Communist land helps to destroy the American manufacturing base. This also takes jobs away from Americans, but since they have government jobs they know they don’t need to care. Continue Reading