Top 10 Things You Will Find on Every Top 10 List

1. Numbers. Ten of them, actually. Maybe Roman, most likely Arabic.

2. Letters. Possibly formulated into words. Whether or not those words are cogent or in the right order is completely up in the air.

3. Links to other Top 10 Lists. Why are you getting a link to the “Top Ten Ways to Sodomize a Goat”? Because you’re a twisted fuck. That’s why.

4. Arbitrary metrics. After several minutes of on and off brainstorming, these are the qualifications the writers settled on before they got back on Facebook.

5. Something you disagree with. “What?? How could they include that entry!? I am clearly to world’s leading expert on this topic, and they didn’t even ask my opinion!”

6. Something you agree with. “Yes, that entry definitely belongs there. I know because I am the world’s leading expert on this topic.”

7. Punctuation. Periods, commas, apostrophes, and maybe even whatever the hell this is: {.

8. Mandatory “controversial” entry. A truly brave and groundbreaking stance based purely on upstanding principles.

9. Half-hearted defense of mandatory “controversial” entry. Apologetic and lukewarm justification of those upstanding principles.

10. Lazy writing. Remember that really, really important revelation your friend had while he was tripping balls off shrooms? What about your significant other’s fight last week with her roommate? No? They seemed pretty trivial didn’t they? So was whatever Top 10 List you just finished glancing through.

Author: Bobby D. Foster

The Washington Pastime Literary Magazine has published one of my short stories titled “The Abolition of Satire”. Defenestration Magazine has published another titled “The Approval of Congress.” Also, I've been the president of both Guatemala and Mongolia... at the same time.

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