Author: Benjamin Cain
President Trump Attended Secret Workshops to Learn How to Lie like a Politician
Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—Leaders in both the Democratic and Republican parties have been holding secret workshops with President Trump to teach him how to lie well.
A Cocktail of Journalistic Insights
Dateline: NEW YORK—Make no mistake, journalists drilled down and told a cautionary tale of the bombshell that landed on a dumpster fire in the middle of a firestorm, after the grilling of senators who pivoted to whether they’d reached a…
Putin Contends Trump wasn’t Competent Enough to have Colluded with Russia
Dateline: MOSCOW—In an exclusive interview with Fancypants Magazine, Vladimir Putin took offense at the allegation that Donald Trump was competent enough to have colluded with the Russian government in the hacking of the American political system that helped win Trump…
Democrats Begin Impeachment Proceedings on the Grounds that Donald Trump is an Old Man
Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—After the 2018 U.S. congressional election, Democrats won back enough seats to bring impeachment proceedings, but they decided to simplify their case against Donald Trump, citing only the undeniable fact, as the reason for the urgent need for…
Man Unable to Apply a Lifetime’s Research into Self-Improvement, Dies Wholly Unsuccessful in Life
Dateline: NEW YORK CITY—A connoisseur of self-help books has died alone and impoverished after having spent years locked in his apartment, practicing to be a better person. Albert Dunderhead had an impressive collection of self-help manuals, as attested by the…
Delaware Man Masters Martial Arts, Using Only Initial Free Lessons
Dateline: NEW JERSEY—A man from Delaware earned the equivalent of a black belt in Taekwondo, Karate, Jiu-jitsu and several other martial arts, by exploiting the free trial first lesson offered by hundreds of martial arts schools across North America.
Republicans & Al-Qaeda face Conundrum of How to Continue their Escalating Evil!
Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—With its escalating insanity in the choice of its presidential nominees, from Reagan to George W. Bush to Donald Trump, the Republican Party has borrowed a strategy from al Qaeda to maximize terror in the American public, according…
Lonely Single Man Seeks Someone Just to Laugh at his Jokes
Dateline: OMAHA—A lonely Nebraskan man is wistful about the many years he’s spent with no life partner to marvel at his witty remarks. Douglas Cunningham, aged 53, is single and has lived alone in a small apartment in Omaha for…
Canadians Obsessed with American Politics, Seek to Vote as Honourary Americans
Thousands of Canadians are lobbying the United States government to allow them to vote as honourary Americans in US elections, despite their lacking US citizenship, because they know more about the United States than Canada.
Hotheads’ Violence Caused by Hot Climates, Study Finds
Dateline: GREENLAND—A sociobiological study from Bigwig University in Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland shows that the areas around the world with the hottest temperatures tend to be inhabited by more aggressive, bellicose peoples, or “hotheads,” as the study calls them, while colder zones…