Search Results for: senate
Senate Stunner: 100 Senators Recuse Themselves From Jury Duty In Trump’s Impeachment Trial
“I fell on the Brett Kavanaugh sword for this administration, and it has gained me nothing. My centrist image has been irreparably tarnished, and for the first time in my career, I feel very uncertain about my election prospects this year, and in the future. I’m done with these Culture Wars and purity tests. I’ll defer to the opinions of the Chief Justice and let him decide. I’m sitting this one out.”
The ‘Teflon Don’ Gang Bunkers Down In The Senate Building
A creepy figure creeps along the side of the long, white stone building, avoiding the lights, embracing the shadows. He was searching for the secret entrance his co-conspirators had informed him of.
Senate Republicans Blame Dems for Failed Budget Negotiations with White House
Washington, DC- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) lashed out at Senate Democrats today, after his fellow Republicans failed to reach an agreement on a long term military funding bill with White House negotiators, resulting in a reported physical altercation…
Grassley Challenges McConnell to a Duel for Control of Senate
Washington, DC- On Friday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R- SC) indicated that he would not hold a vote on a bipartisan criminal justice reform bill during the lame duck congressional session, and would instead focus his efforts on confirming…
Jeff Flake May Return to Senate in 2020
Phoenix, AZ- Recently re-elected Arizona Governor, Doug Ducey (R-AZ), told members of the press on Friday that he would not rule out Jeff Flake (R-AZ) as a possible successor to current stand-in Senator, John Kyl (R-AZ), who took over the…
Richard Murdock’s Senate Campaign in Disarray As God Comes Out Pro Choice
INDIANAPOLIS – The senate campaign of Indiana’s leading Republican candidate, Richard Mourdock, is reportedly in disarray Tuesday after the Almighty Father in Heaven identified himself as pro-choice. God’s stance on the issue of abortion comes as a particular blow to…
U.S. Senate Bursts into Spontaneous Verse
The Senate unexpectedly and unintentionally bursts into verse this morning as the legislators were conducting their routine opening procedures. The following is the official Congressional transcript of this incident. CONGRESSIONAL RECORD PROCEEDINGS AND DEBATES OF THE 112TH CONGRESS, SECOND SESSION…
Congress and Senate Forced to Enroll in Hooked on Phonics
Congress has come under intense scrutiny in recent years for not reading the bills they pass. Regarding the recently passed health care bill Nancy Pelosi has gone on record stating “We have to pass the bill so that we can…
Senate Considers Replacing Part of Medicare Plan with Medical Marijuana Plan
While the debate in the Senate continues over whether to raise taxes on the rich, cut spending on Social Security and Medicare, or both, in order to deal with the debt ceiling crisis, there is one option on the table…
U.S. Senate to Open Boom-Boom Room for Gentleman Senators
In an effort to keep tabs on the rising number of misbehaving male Senators in Washington, the Senate Appropriations Committee has put aside $60,000 to revamp a vacant office in the Senate Building, turning it into a boom-boom room. The…