Month: May 2014
A Solution to Our Prison Problem – Soccer Balls
Newsflash: Our prison population over the past two decades has soared to a record-bursting 2.4 million, according to PrisonPass.com almost one out of every 100 Americans is currently incarcerated. (Personally, I blame Hollywood celebutantes Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Justin…
Congress Declares Global War on ‘The Heebie-Jeebies’
WASHINGTON—On Monday, Congress unanimously approved the Authorization for Use of Force against Unpleasant Lifeforms (AUFUL) joint resolution, effectively declaring war on what the Obama administration calls “the heebie-jeebies.” After signing the resolution into law, the president will have full authorization…
Anderson Cooper Vows to Snorkel Indian Ocean to Find MH370, Boost Ratings
Atlanta – CNN, in their never ending coverage of the missing Malaysian plane tragedy, thinks they have figured out a way to keep the story interesting, boost ratings, and possibly videotape the disappearance of one of their most beloved personalities….
An intellectual discussion on capital punishment, how foreign talk is turning us gay
Some people have brought up the issue of morality considering the death penalty. Some even have the audacity to say that “thou shall not kill” is an integral part of the Bible. To these heretics I respond with a decisive…
Dallas Cowboy’s Fans Unite to Pray for Racist Remarks From Jerry Jones
Dallas – In light of the lifetime ban placed upon Donald Sterling, owner of the LA Clippers, after his recent racist remarks, fans of the Dallas Cowboys football team have come together in prayer hoping their sorry-ass owner, Jerry Jones,…
Ted Cruz, Mike Lee Propose “Marriage Only for the Fertile”
Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Mike Lee (R-UT) introduced legislation to ban all marriages and nullify all existing marriages in which the couple cannot conceive or chooses to be childless for any reason. “Marriage is only for procreation. If a couple…