Posted in Politics Top Stories

Mitt Romney Admits to Masturbating

GOP Presidential candidate and devout Mormon Mitt Romney admitted today that he ‘experimented’ once with masturbation when he was in college. “It was a stupid youthful experimentation”, Romney explained. “I’m not proud of it, I didn’t ejaculate, I didn’t enjoy…

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Posted in Politics

Romney Post Debate Strategy: Flip-Flop More

The first presidential debate has inspired Romney campaign officials to change their overall strategy in order to gain a higher percentage of the upcoming vote. After demonstrating his ability to completely drop previous positions, and offer new policies without concern…

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Posted in Politics

Republicans Crucify Jesus for Offering Free Healthcare

BILOXI – People were shocked when a strange light was seen in the sky yesterday. Many wondered if it was a meteor. However, the light that fell to earth was none other than Jesus Christ himself. The Christian leader landed…

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Posted in Politics

These Are The Guys Who Are Going To Set The Nation Straight?

Let me see if I got this straight: We have a national election going on. Only two guys are really running in it. Both are spending obscene amounts of money to campaign for it. Mostly other people’s money. Both are…

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Posted in World News

North Korea Develops Slingshot Capable of Reaching North Korea

SEOUL – North Korea’s official news agency today announced the development of a highly advanced slingshot capable of hitting its own territory or fifty feet, whichever comes first. North Korean leader Kim Jong-un spent time touring the new facility which…

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Posted in Human Interest

Pathetic, Dilapidated Barn Still Most Exciting Thing to See For Over 100 Miles

SEYMOUR, IN – Though it has mostly deteriorated following decades of adverse weather conditions, poor upkeep and termite infestation, a pathetic and dilapidated barn remains the single most exciting thing for about a hundred miles. Constructed in the 1920s, the…

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