Target Changes Employee Uniforms – Red Shirts No Longer Safe

After multiple deaths, Target has decided to make a change in the uniforms of it’s employees. This decision was made once the connection of the uniforms was made to Star Trek.

It is well known that any crew wearing a red shirt on Star Trek was considered expendable. No one knew that this would affect employees at Target.

But the string of deaths due to alien monsters and space plagues could not be ignored. The owner of Target admits that the uniform coloring was a poor choice, and they are now replacing it with a safe blue color.

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Lunch Lady Bribes Bullies to Harass Her … Profit

Scandal visited peaceful Mayfield, Ohio this week with news Agnes Javits has been dismissed from Warner Oland Elementary School. With over forty years in cafeteria service, beloved ‘Miss A’ was easily the most recognized town resident, having served lunch to three successive generations of Mayfielders.

The controversy has shaken this community’s confidence. School officials have announced counseling services will be available for students. Read more Lunch Lady Bribes Bullies to Harass Her … Profit

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Who Gives a Wiki?

A recent poll has shown that over 95% of the world population neither knows nor cares about the site ‘wikileaks’

In research carried out by the ‘Blue Sky Black Heart’ think tank has shown that nobody really cares about the site and 98% of people have never even visited the website, some even confused it with Wikipedia.

Wikileaks has been in the spotlight again recently because its founder Julian Assange has just been granted asylum in Ecuador (where? I know, right?). And he has asked that the US give up its ‘War on Whistle-blowers’ as they can be way ‘too loud’. Read more Who Gives a Wiki?

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DSK Defense Laid Bare; The Wrath of Strauss-Kahn

According to lawyers for embattled Dominique Strauss-Kahn, it is now clear that “Nafi” Diallo was the accoster, not DSK himself, and that she was using the event to launch a “systematic campaign to deluge the media.” This view of events is disputed vigorously by Naffisato Diallo herself.

When “Nafi” Diallo entered the suite as a cleaning maid at the Sofitel hotel, DSK suddenly appeared from the bedroom naked. Lawyers said he was innocently wandering out of the bedroom when the maid entered to clean the apartment. He was then immediately accosted by her, “seizing the opportunity,” as one lawyer indicated, insisting on anonymity.

Another anonymous lawyer stated that the sight of the naked DSK apparently first drove the woman to place DSK’s hands on her own breasts, then next to chase him into the bedroom.

At that point, lawyers continued, she told him he must cooperate with her or she would need to hurt him. As the lawyers indicated, nodding their heads repeatedly, DSK is a small, elderly man who was completely at her mercy. Reports that he is ape-like and brutal are completely misinformed, they said.

She placed his hands on her crotch in such a manner that she suffered bruises and red marks verified at a hospital hours later, indicating the vehemence of her intentions. She then ordered DSK’s penile tool into her mouth—“penile tool” is evidently a new legal term—following which she had the effrontery to spit several times, as though displeased with his performance.

Lawyers also insisted that reports of DSK’s previous sexual activity have been exaggerated and usually the reverse of uncontrollable lust on the parts of the women involved.

Tristane Banon, for example, another woman involved in the scandal and daughter of a previous partner with DSK who enjoyed “brutal sex,” was most likely in the grip of fascination with DSK some years ago. Again nodding repeatedly, lawyers ventured that Banon undid her own bra while interviewing him, and then kicked him in frustration at his failure to cooperate with her desires.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn is one of the most powerful men in Europe, previously campaigning against ex-president Nikolas Sarkozy. Lawyers maintained that credibility belongs on his side, not on the side of a housemaid struggling to survive economically.

Lawyers also vigorously denied he had told his wife Anne Sinclair he “had had sex with three women . . . ‘as a last glass before hitting the road for the [French] presidential campaign’,” as reported by Newsweek (July 25, 2011) reporting on an earlier July story from the French publication Le Pointe.

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