Trump Administration Unveils ‘Brand New’ Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Washington, DC- In what will surely go down as one of the most bizarre press conferences in recent memory; White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced both her plans to step down as the official mouth piece of the Trump Administration in January, and introduced the woman who will be her successor… Sarah HUCKabee Sanders 2.0.

Members of the press were visibly shocked when a holographic representation of Huckabee Sanders ‘stepped’ out from behind a curtain at the rear of the stage, and joined the Press Secretary on stage.

“Ladies and gentlemen of the media, it is my pleasure to introduce my successor!  Please join me in welcoming the Human Use Communication Kinetoscope (HUCK).” the Press Secretary shouted enthusiastically.

“Hello members of the Press,” the hologram chirped.  “I am Sarah HUCKabee Sanders 2.0, but you may call me HUCK, for short.  I am the world’s first ever AI (artificial intelligence) Press Secretary.  In a joint venture with China’s Xinhua News Agency and the White House Press Department, I was created to improve communications between the White House and the American people.  I am fully programmed to answer any questions regarding Administrative Policy, am fluent in a dozen languages, and have been designed to be more compassionate than my predecessor.  Would anybody like to ask me any questions?”

“I’ve got a question,” Huckabee Sanders said raising her hand emphatically.

“Go ahead, Mrs. Huckabee Sanders, the floor is yours,” the Hologram stated politely.

“Are you at all concerned about the level of harassment former Press Secretaries have had to endure in the past?” the Press Secretary asked.

“Great question,” HUCK replied, “Thank you for your participation.  As past Press Secretaries can attest, the role of Press Secretary is a never ending job that serves a vital role within our democracy.  It is the responsibility of the Press Secretary to speak on behalf of the White House, and answer questions brought forth by the press regarding actions of the Administration.  While former Press Secretaries have experienced harassment and ridicule in public places like restaurants, sporting events, and even the grocery store, I am confident that this will not be an issue for me.  I am a Holographic AI; therefore my body does not require sustenance or replenishment, so it is very unlikely that I will be confronted in these types of places.  Being that I am a digital construct, I will be available to members of the press 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, via an App that will be available for download next month.  I am confident that my accessibility will render this issue moot.”

“As an AI, how can the American people be confident that you are being honest when confronted with difficult questions from the press corps?” The Press Secretary asked as a follow up.

“Another great question,” HUCK responded.  “As Press Secretary, I will have access to the most up to date information, thanks to my networked CPU.  Not only will I receive updated information in real time, but in the rare instance where my information is either not current, or contradicts White House policy, there is a Presidential Override Feature (POF) that enables the President to answer for me through an App on his I Phone.”

“This is a very exciting time for the Administration,” Huckabee Sanders declared as she turned off the hologram with a small remote control.  “Not only will we increase this Administrations availability by offering the first ever 24 hour Press Department, we believe that POF will provide President Trump with a strategically more coherent form of communication compared to Twitter.”

“After HUCK’s initial trial run, the administration will move forward with plans to introduce a number of AI staffers, over the next couple of months.  Though the initial HUCK has been designed to closely approximate my specific mannerisms and behaviors while adding a few humanizing characteristics,  future versions will be fully customizable, taking on a vast array of ethnicities and personality types, ranging from our “Likable Lady,” model, to our “Non-Threatening Minority,” model.  It is our hope that over the course of the next two years, this administration will give off the impression of inclusiveness, and diversity.”

With that, Huckabee Sanders asked members of the press if they had any questions.  As every single hand in the room went up, Mrs. Huckabee Sanders laughed and walked off the stage.

Author: Fort Nag

Ft. Nag is a poet and speculative satirist who lives in Sacramento, CA. "Real News and Fake News have become interchangeable in our world today. This probably won't help. Sorry."