Tag Archive | "prime minister"

US To Send Bullshit Detector To Malaysia


In the latest effort to uncover the fate of MH370, the United States has announced it will send a state of the art Bullshit Detector to Malaysia.

“The BSD will be located adjacent to the Perdana Putra building, which houses the Office of the Prime Minister and, coincidentally, the headquarters of Malaysia Airlines,” stated a press release from the US Joint Chiefs of Staff.

“We believe the placement of this device will uncover the truth of what happened to the ill fated airliner and help bring closure to the friends and relatives of crew and passengers.”

The technical specifics and capabilities of the BSD are cloaked in secrecy, but knowledgeable sources said it includes a combination of high tech eavesdropping devices, high altitude drones, Internet and social networking hacking software and Jon Stewart’s “The Daily Show”.

In related news the government of Malaysia revealed it detected low altitude radar pings that may have emanated from MH370 over Lake Tanganyika in Africa. Dozens of international airplanes and ships have broken off their search in the southern Indian Ocean and are now progressing at full speed to Tanzania.

photo credit: D.C.Atty via photopin cc

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British Prime Minister Apparently Not Tony Blair Anymore, Nation Finds


WASHINGTON D.C. – During a joint televised address designed to highlight the special relationship between the United States and Great Britain Wednesday, it was revealed to the American public that the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom is not, in fact, Tony Blair anymore.

Standing alongside President Obama on the White House lawn, the largely unrecognizable figure of “David Cameron” talked at length about the coordinated American/British strategy in Afghanistan, as viewers at home tried to work out what the heck happened to “that Blair guy.” Read the full story

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Wounded British Soldiers Ward Off Prime Minister’s Visit


The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate.

Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags competition – with the death of the 100th British soldier to ‘cop his’ and get snuffed by Taliban Dan and his gang of Jihadi scallies in Afghanistan – went unannounced. Read the full story

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Mandelson-Scandalson Touted as Next Labour PM


This weekend, for the first time in British history since Liberal PM Archibald Primrose (Lord Rosebery) went fin-to-fin with Iceland in the 1895 Cod War, we have three prime ministers presiding over the country at once. – all of whom have as much grasp on actual cold plate supper reality as a chronic opium smoker – or Big Dave Cameron. Read the full story

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