Liberal bias is pervasive and is corrupting America. Let me walk you through a typical day to show you how liberals have crafted a very sophisticated subliminal messaging program to brainwash Americans into their way of thinking.
7AM
It starts from the moment you wake up: you try brushing your teeth, but your electric toothbrush demonstrates its liberal bias by spinning in a counter-clockwise/leftward direction. It’s a sinister plan to focus your gaze on bright teeth instead of focusing on lies coming out of liberals’ mouths. Also, if you’re not careful, you might start foaming at the mouth like all the hater and losers on the Fake News.
Also – ever noticed how mouthwash is usually blue – the color of the Democrats? If this was a truly equal America, you would see more red mouthwash in elephant shaped bottles.
7:30AM
Liberals bring their support for open borders and illegals to the breakfast table, in the form of Canadian maple syrup poured over Belgian waffles. And because of liberal regulations, Americans are forced to eat their breakfast with the tools of the past – knives and forks – instead of using patriotic American handguns, to eat their hash browns.
8AM
Liberals have even found a way to manipulate your commute. Ever noticed that every single car in America is controlled from the left? Liberal automakers want you to think that the only way to manage things is from the left. Especially because you have no choice but to lean left when ordering your second breakfast from McDonald’s drive-through on the way to work. This is all part of a plan to make leaning left your default setting.
8:30AM
When you finally get to the office lot, you park your car. But this language has a liberal bias as parks are the domain of tree-hugging libs; just as shooting ranges are the domain of us conservatives. Come to think of it – we should reclaim this language: from now on we don’t park our cars; we shooting range our cars when we bring them to a stop in a garage. When you finally start working, you’re using PowerPoint, Word or Excel. All of these are made by West Coast darling Microsoft – which means any answer you derive from these software products cannot be trusted.
11 AM
Time for a look at the stock market. Biased commentators want you to believe that a soaring S&P 500 is good. But S&P 500 really refers to Pelosi’s plan to Smuggle and Plant 500 illegals in American communities each day. Financial statements also have a liberal bias. Liberals disguise this bias with language like ‘balance sheet.’ But it’s not balanced at all. As a principled conservative you have to fight this bias and restore actual balance to the balance sheet; by double counting cash and accounts receivable.
Noon
It’s time for lunch: a hearty slice of pizza.
But liberals won’t tell you why pizza is sliced into triangular pieces: it’s because the three sides of every slice represents the Holy Trinity. Don’t forget this important fact about the Judeo-Christian heritage of pizza.
3PM
Time for a quick swig of that delicious office coffee. But sadly, liberals find a way to push socialism in this instance by giving away office coffee for free – despite the word ‘fee’ being in the word coffee!
6PM
When you get home you ask your wife and kids how their day was. Your kids tell you about what that they learned that climate change is destroying the planet in school today. You accept that there is a scientific consensus on human activity causing climate change; but science relies on facts, and facts have a well-known liberal bias.
7PM
You try to explain liberal bias to your kids over tonight’s meatloaf dinner. But your kids won’t eat meatloaf because their liberal science teacher told them eating less meat is one way to help save the planet. Doesn’t this science teacher know that Donald Trump can buy another planet if this one perishes? I mean, he tried to buy Greenland to make the planet more green before the Democrats stopped him.
9PM
Now that the kids are in bed, it’s time to unwind with the truth from a voice you can trust: Sean Hannity. On the other hand, you cannot trust books because they’re all biased, as every single book puts black on top of white.
11:30PM
Stay away from late night TV shows – they’re all are funded by the tips that AOC earned as a bartender!
