Debuting next Saturday in the liberal bastion of hedonism known as San Francisco, this travesty on the English language, brought to you by deep-pocket interests from the left fringe, who somehow feel it’s acceptable to rewrite the great texts to suit their own purposes, will make its stage debut. We won’t even give the theater (or theatre, as they prefer to be called,) the courtesy of link. They know what they’ve done. Read the full story

Grand Rapids, MI native Hillary Pierce was shocked this week to learn CNN thinks her senior class presidency bid is doomed. According to lunch room witnesses, seventeen-year old Hillary was inconsolable and left early, missing her AP Chemistry class.

At issue is recent CNN reportage, echoed by Washington Post editorials that divulge how Gerald R. Ford High School has finally wised up. Hillary Pierce isn’t class president material. Read the full story

It now appears to observers that Wikileaks is a powerful and permanent force in world affairs. The apprehension of founder Julian Asshinge has become a call to arms for hundreds of anonymous kindred spirits. The bell has tolled on the farewell to governmental secrecy.

The most recent document dump is considered particularly damning. A secret so shocking has been revealed, even author Dan Brown considers it ‘a bit far-fetched.’ Read the full story

Wrigley Fjord, East Sweden (GlossyNews) — On the campaign trail with Norbert B. Snortwhistle. Though she is officially America’s top diplomat, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton committed a grievous etiquette faux pas today by chewing gum in the presence of the King of Sweden, abruptly ending her visit to this Scandinavian nation. Reverberations were felt from Stockholm to Washington as the two countries’ usually friendly governments attempted to restore normal relations. Read the full story

Pasadena, CA – Rose Bowl Parade officials sent an official notice to members of the elite North Korean Army’s precision marching corp. The letter gave notice that due to recent international nuclear tensions, the participation of the 10,000 man North Korean precision marching army will not be wanted. The annual parade is used to showcase the annual Rose Bowl football spectacular held in Pasadena each January 1st. Read the full story

May 14, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

It is still too early to speak definitively, but if that busboy is correct, the United States’ longest and most costly war is nearing an end.

An open secret in this sleepy Latin American town, high level negotiations have been ongoing for several days between puritanical US forces and the ever present need among ‘Gringos’ to get more stoned than a drag queen in Iran. Read the full story

Glossy News Future Take: Year 2024 — Most political analysts look upon the 2012 Obama-Palin campaign as the start of the anarchy that now besets us. Originally known as the second Obama-McCain campaign, Palin soon eclipsed her boss in popularity as was well-remembered by the 98% female majority in the House and Senate that is now disbanded.

McCain’s mysterious demise two days into his Presidency started the path of female dominance. Read the full story

Bogota North, Colombia (GlossyNews) — Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

Sources close to Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez revealed a major diplomatic coup today; Fidel Castro has accepted Chavez’ friend request on Facebook. The ancient Cuban dictator, while not esteemed in the US, is widely respected throughout Latin America. The Castro seal of approval carries much weight among indigenous minorities who’ve long been oppressed by a succession of autocratic regimes. Read the full story

The US Secretary of State, Hilarious Rodent Clinton, in yet another typical menopausal outburst – yesterday rebuked Pakistani government officials for pleading they couldn’t afford to wage an all-out war against Taliban Dan and his gang of Jolly Jihadi insurgents infiltrating the northern provinces of the basket case country due the government coffers being emptier than Old Mother Hubbard’s recession-hit cupboard. Read the full story

Phuket, Thailand – Hillary Clinton angrily announced yesterday from Phuket (pronounced “fuh-ket” or alternatively “Phuket”), that she’s had it with North Koreans, likening them to little children demanding attention. Read the full story

Washington – In his first in-depth interview since the election, former President Bill Clinton said he warned Mrs. Clinton early on that she needed to project a tougher image to attract independents. Read the full story