Some recent comments about humanitarian heroism have failed to satisfy the ever-impossible-to-please satire news fixture, Pre-Senior-Professor-Guru-Emeritus Angus Lenn(on/in)vedanta Smiggles from the Social Constructionist String Theory Department in Bushmills Metaphysical College.
Aspiring Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton appears to be the latest notable figure involved in the nude celebrity photo leak scandal, according to traumatized sources who have seen the photos.
“I can’t believe I saw those pictures!” said TMZ spokesperson Alicia Hartless. “I may have to spend a few years in therapy just to wipe those images from my mind!”
Some people who saw the pictures were not offended at all. “I think she’s pretty hot”, said Los Angeles car salesman Andrew Spigelman. “But, then again, I think iguanas are pretty hot.”
Clinton was very upset when she heard that her cell phone pictures had been hacked. “Those ‘naughty nighty’ and ‘secret masturbation’ pictures were only supposed to be between me and Bill!” she said excitedly. “When I become President the first thing I’ll do is find the people who hacked me and shackle them for the rest of their lives!”
RNC Press Secretary Kristen Kukowski downplayed the nude photos. “We’re not talking about pictures of Kim Kardashian or Hope Solo here. Those are people we WANT to see naked.”
Glossy News refused to post any of the nude photos of the former First Lady because some people reading this may be having lunch.