Obama/Bush’s 1000-fold Expansion of “International Community” Statelets (2/2)

Earlier, President Obama introduced his plan to expand the International Community.

He briefly and compassionately considered Palestine, Vatican City, the future Greater Israel, China, Japan, Russia, EU, India…

But none of them meet the high standards of the Global Village Patriarchs.

Gonna push the boat out further here:

Heaven and Hell; is that the same as the Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist…?

Sheesh, semantics!

Gryffindorland, Slytherinland; not technically countries? Wow, that bastard intern… they don’t make Democrat interns like they used to.

Well that’s what Bill tells me, anyway.

No, no, that’s not sexist at all… now let me say this. The International Community inscribed the rights of all women and indeed the entire non-male community; when our Founding Fathers said that all white, heterosexual Christian males (or deists at a push) were conferred with the liberty to… woops…

Oh forget all that constitution crap, I mean, my buddy George got along fine without it too. Less of the divisive right-wing fanatical special pleading, you unpatriotic…

Sheesh, consistency, consistency. Wish I had Clint Eastwood to help me out here, I’m a bit at sea…

Wow! Just remembered… the rise of the oceans… I’m gonna heal this crap, I tell ya…

OK, Asgard, Midgard… now hang on, are we talking three separate statelets, or actually technically one? I asked John Shelby Spong about this, but he was a bit equivocal…

Didn’t want to ask a Catholic bishop because they are trying to take over…

Sheesh, spending time with all those paleocons is really rubbing off on me. No wait, is it neocons?

Ah well, it’s all just semantics, isn’t it.

Well, that’s always a good way of smacking down the incongenially fastidious among you (kinda etymologically erudite, huh!)

Anyway, Middle East, Middle Earth, Mordor (oh wait, these ones are technically a nefarious axis of failed states… but if we finally succeed in starving all their kids into submission, we’ll be fine)…

Actually you know what, Lakoff was right; framing of these issues is crucial. I mean the way I just put the bit about a dynamic nutritional reconfiguration actually sounded kinda cruel, huh? Ahhh, semantics again.

Well, never trust a person who questions your opinions, values and policies on purely semantic grounds, with mere words; he is bound to be unpatriotic. Even Dick Cheney agrees with me on this one, and… well, he’s not the easiest guy to reach agreement with.

Oh and by the way, a nice surprise. You’ll never guess!

Yup, I’m handing all this crap over to Jeb. As this is a time of great economic austerity and sacrifice, we figured an election funded by my… um, our precious taxpayer’s money, would be an inexcusable and extravagant waste of Washington’s public finances this time.

Still, I am sure there will be no objections, and that you will appreciate that the pressing, objective claims of Society, The Greater Good and Our Common Humanity will be even better served by this honorable and noble transaction.

As my good friend and noble co-collaborator George has said:

“There can be no peace in this world unless we finally and comprehensively liquidate all haters of peace without exception; no matter how many millennia of bitter, brutal, and protracted warfare is at stake.”

Apparently, all this was a whole 24 hours ago. But we’re still stuck with only a dozen Beltway hawks and a token Euroweenie. So the Global Cosmos is on a skeleton staff even now, it seems.


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