Dominique Strauss-Kahn smiled broadly for the cameras as he and his wife left a NY courtroom Friday after being told by a judge that he was being released on his own recognizance. The dark veil of accountability for his actions in allegedly raping a hotel maid had lifted somewhat, allowing Strauss-Kahn to enjoy his own Independence Day celebration. Read the full story

The French National Assembly has voted overwhelmingly to ban burqas, with 335 in favor of the law and only one against it. This decision is in line with the international consensus that instead of what they do, what they say, or what they believe, women should be judged for how they look.

If the Senate and Constitutional Council approve the ban, it will go into effect in the fall. Read the full story

Paris, France - France, tired of taking all the crap that it has gotten from the U.S., has retaliated by taking back the Statue of Liberty, once a gift from them. Ever since Bush started the Iraqi war and called them wusses for not helping out, French opinion of her one-time ally has deteriorated.

At noon yesterday, a freight ship registered as being the Le Liberte from Marseilles with cranes mounted on the deck, pulled up to the statue and started dismantling it. Men from the ship worked feverishly through the night to break the statue from its mountings.

When asked questions by reporters, the men would answer in French saying things like “Go away, you small intestine of a vermin,” or “I will not speak with militaristic offal!” or “Sacre bleu!” Read the full story

Paris (GlossyNews) — French official are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their  enraged Chinese counterparts.

The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon, where military leaders were meeting to discuss national defense over wine and cheese. General Petit emphatically declared the following: Read the full story

Paris (GlossyNews) — The French Ministry of Defense this morning announced that a French Navy destroyer, the FS Ouragan (Hurricane), surrendered to Somali pirates after a small outboard motor powered speed boat came alongside and fired a pistol towards the command bridge.

FS Ouragan, a Horizon class destroyer, carries 8 Exocet anti-ship missles, two Otobreda 76mm super rapid guns and two 20mm cannons, in addition to anti-missle missles. Read the full story

Belgian Prime Minister Herman van Rumpy Pumpy appears to be the frontrunner for selection as the dystopic E-USSR’s first permanent president at a summit in Brussels this coming Thursday.

The centre-right of left leader has a reputation as a canny duckfat chewer with a self-deprecating sense of humour (he jams sticks of rhubarb in his ears and does reindeer impersonations) which has helped him to hold together a fractious national coalition government who have suffered several calamitous ‘giggle’ failures this past two years after he abolished the Ministry for Graft and Corruption. Read the full story

French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending – promotions).

About 10,000 employees downed pencils and rallied in Paris and 5,000 others gathered outside corporate headquarters in the city of Troyes after a 93-year-old executive stabbed himself in the back forty-seven times with a whiteboard marker after learning that he had been demoted from Vice President (Stationaries) to tea boy. Read the full story