Tag Archive | "france"

Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (2/2)


I really don’t know what they found more offensive; a cartoon of their prophet, or people standing around, dancing and singing and loving and having fun?

So, there’s your dilemma. If Charlie Hebdo brought it on themselves by unnecessarily ‘causing offence,’ then you will have to condemn the innocent people going out and enjoying freedom of expression, freedom of love, and freedom of fun. Read the full story

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Open Letter to the ‘Noble Liberals.’ Did Paris Victims Bring it on Themselves? (1/2)


After the massacre at Charlie Hebdo, the magazine’s defenders were ridiculed as being ‘freedom of speech fundamentalists.’ The ‘semi-non-apologists’ of Coulibaly assumed the usual attitude:

Sure, it’s NOT THAT GREAT to kill someone merely for being a cartoonist… but… OMG, just look at that cartoon! I find that SO offensive!

Now, silence from the conspicuously enlightened Huggy-Downglance Brigade.

No-one dares to speak out, and blame the unnecessary offence and grievance the concert-goers in Paris caused to anyone (not least the ‘wrong kind of liberal’) who believes ‘freedom of speech demands accountability.’ Read the full story

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France Finds Missing Flight 370


After waiting more than ten days to jump into the search for Flight 370, France declared it has found the ill fated airliner off the coast of Italy.

“We were delayed due to union repairs on our sole high imaging satellite which experienced a malfunction several years ago.

“Luckily, when it became operational, it was positioned directly over the spot where the plane went down and we found it within minutes,” said French Foreign Minister Pepe Lepew.

The lone satellite image released by France shows MH370 lying on its side in shallow water just yards off the west coast of Italy near Isola del Giglio.

“We were surprised, it was larger than expected.” added Lepew.

Breadstix.

photo credit: StefoF via photopin cc

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Scandal: Obama-Hollande Love Affair Leaked


Paris and Washington have become embroiled in scandal after a set of romantic correspondences between presidents Francois Hollande and Barack Obama were leaked to the press.

The letters detail a passionate, and at times even steamy fusion of love across the Atlantic, the softer moments balanced with lamentations over politics, life, and tapioca pudding.

In a message dating January 17, Hollande writes:

Oui, oui, you devilishly strong black man. Your gun control makes me say oui, although there should be guns between us. But just two.

On January 31, Obama responds:

Franci your balding head and luminous brain are a brilliant testament to progress in this bigot-full, conservative world. Let us run to Haiti, where I shall bathe forever in the unwashed fumes of your arms, each deodorant-free minute like a drop from Heaven.

In Obama’s letter reporters also found a picture of the two world leaders cuddling in the Oval Office, with a caption by America’s leader reading, “You make me want to be a real socialist.”

Reactions to the romantic exchanges have been mixed. Ted Haggard admitted he was troubled after getting news of the relationship, but feels it is something that needs to be accepted. “What really matters is that they are strong, presumably bisexual men,” he said.

Speaking on behalf of the Tea Party, Sarah Palin noted that “Obama’s romance with another socialist president is a direct threat to Israel’s national security. It is time the Republican House votes to remove him from office.”

The White House offered no comment, falling in line with the Élysée Palace response to press inquiries.

Sources say Michelle Obama is furious, however.

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Dominique Strauss-Kahn Claims Luck Helped in Choosing Perfect Victim


Dominique Strauss-Kahn smiled broadly for the cameras as he and his wife left a NY courtroom Friday after being told by a judge that he was being released on his own recognizance. The dark veil of accountability for his actions in allegedly raping a hotel maid had lifted somewhat, allowing Strauss-Kahn to enjoy his own Independence Day celebration. Read the full story

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France Protects Muslim Women’s Rights by Denying them Choice


The French National Assembly has voted overwhelmingly to ban burqas, with 335 in favor of the law and only one against it. This decision is in line with the international consensus that instead of what they do, what they say, or what they believe, women should be judged for how they look.

If the Senate and Constitutional Council approve the ban, it will go into effect in the fall. Read the full story

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France, Tired Of American Jokes, Takes Back Statue Of Liberty.


Paris, France – France, tired of taking all the crap that it has gotten from the U.S., has retaliated by taking back the Statue of Liberty, once a gift from them. Ever since Bush started the Iraqi war and called them wusses for not helping out, French opinion of her one-time ally has deteriorated.

At noon yesterday, a freight ship registered as being the Le Liberte from Marseilles with cranes mounted on the deck, pulled up to the statue and started dismantling it. Men from the ship worked feverishly through the night to break the statue from its mountings.

When asked questions by reporters, the men would answer in French saying things like “Go away, you small intestine of a vermin,” or “I will not speak with militaristic offal!” or “Sacre bleu!” Read the full story

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French General Threatens China, then Quickly Takes it Back


Paris (GlossyNews) — French official are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their  enraged Chinese counterparts.

The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon, where military leaders were meeting to discuss national defense over wine and cheese. General Petit emphatically declared the following: Read the full story

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French Destroyer Surrenders to Somali Pirates


Paris (GlossyNews) — The French Ministry of Defense this morning announced that a French Navy destroyer, the FS Ouragan (Hurricane), surrendered to Somali pirates after a small outboard motor powered speed boat came alongside and fired a pistol towards the command bridge.

FS Ouragan, a Horizon class destroyer, carries 8 Exocet anti-ship missles, two Otobreda 76mm super rapid guns and two 20mm cannons, in addition to anti-missle missles. Read the full story

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Rumpy Pumpy: E-USSR Presidential Favourite


Belgian Prime Minister Herman van Rumpy Pumpy appears to be the frontrunner for selection as the dystopic E-USSR’s first permanent president at a summit in Brussels this coming Thursday.

The centre-right of left leader has a reputation as a canny duckfat chewer with a self-deprecating sense of humour (he jams sticks of rhubarb in his ears and does reindeer impersonations) which has helped him to hold together a fractious national coalition government who have suffered several calamitous ‘giggle’ failures this past two years after he abolished the Ministry for Graft and Corruption. Read the full story

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France’s Telecom Now Suicide Central


French Telecom workers staged protests on Thursday over a wave of a suicides that union leaders blame on the company’s failure to help staff deal with the stress from restructuring (read mass firings, redundancies and lateral – more at descending – promotions).

About 10,000 employees downed pencils and rallied in Paris and 5,000 others gathered outside corporate headquarters in the city of Troyes after a 93-year-old executive stabbed himself in the back forty-seven times with a whiteboard marker after learning that he had been demoted from Vice President (Stationaries) to tea boy. Read the full story

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