Tag Archive | "Second Amendment"

NRA Starts Big Push To Get Guns Into The Hands Of As Many Wackos As Possible


Realizing statistically that whenever there is a gun related mass murder by a mentally ill individual or group that gun sales go up out of fear that they will be outlawed.

Because of this gun manufacturers have started pushing the NRA to get more guns into the hands of as many psychopaths as possible.

A secret email has been acquired by a hacker and turned over to Washington newspapers who in turn exposed it to the reading public. Read the full story

Share

Posted in CrimeComments (0)

Obama: “ISIS Must Train Our Kids to Use Guns Responsibly”


President Obama is concerned at the harsh stigma attached to militants of the Islamic State.

So he has some wise words for the more narrow-minded citizens, who take a merely partisan approach towards the Islamic State…

Now let me say this. The Islamic State, ISIS, ISIL, call it what you will (perhaps apart from the derogatory term “Daesh…”)

Yes, the Islamic State is a nation with whom we currently have some significant diplomatic obstacles, and breaks in the flow of communication. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Politics, War ZoneComments (0)

NRA Demands US Government Outlaw Drones Despite 2nd Amendment


In a strange reversal of policy the NRA has demanded that the U.S. make a ban on drones very much like the ban on guns that they have so heatedly fought against in the past.

Speaking at a press conference NRA Fuhrer Wayne LaPierre has vehemently asserted that “Drones are dangerous! They are potential weapons of mass destruction! They should not be allowed in the wrong hands!” Read the full story

Share

Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (0)

NRA Succeeds In Taking Over U.S.- Bans All Amendments Except Second


The NRA has at last accomplished their goal of taking over the government of what was once was the United States of America.

Initiating a ploy that they were rebels against an unfair, repressive political entity, they succeeding in hiding their real intent until it was too late to stop them.

RIGHT: Regulate this, bitches! (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.

They had all the guns; the government had only pompous, meaningless words.

The new President for life, Wayne LaPierre, immediately changed his title upon taking office to “The Czar” and declared amnesty for all those in prison for carrying concealed guns or for possessing what was once deemed inappropriate weaponry.

In the same breath he had his legions of henchmen arrest and put before a firing squad anyone who was known to campaign for gun control or to have protested against any war anywhere in the world. Head Henchman Chief Executioner Ted Nugent was heard to say “Yee-haw! Lets have some target practice on these know-it-all pussies right here and now! Beats shooting clay pigeons any day!”

In the hours after LaPierre’s takeover he and his top subordinates engaged in an hours long meeting that convened with them making the announcement that all Constitutional amendments save the second (“the Right to Bear Arms.”) would be banned. The decisions on it went like this:

“Amendment I.- We repeal the right of free speech. We will tell you what to think and do from here on out- or else!
We repeal the right to religion. God and Christ is good enough for us and should be good enough for everyone else too. If you don’t agree we will shoot you in the name of our Lord.
We have the right of assembly. Anyone else should just stay at home with their doors locked.
IV.- In the future the property of NRA members cannot be searched or seized, but we will reserve the right to do such at any other residence we so wish to.
V.- All Individuals accused of a crime will be brought henceforth before a tribunal of NRA officials. Then shot.
VI.- All trials, speedy or otherwise, shall be abolished. Offenders of any sort will simply be shot.
VII.- Common law is now abolished. We ARE the law.
VIII.- Bail shall be set at whatever price the accused cannot afford so that we can throw them in jail and do whatever we want with them.
IX.- From now on we will decide what your rights are and aren’t.
X.- The powers delegated to the Sates are now delegated to us.

The Second Amendment will from now on be the only Amendment recognized and obeyed. And we do mean OBEYED!!!!!!!

III.-The Amendment about quartering soldiers at private homes is still under consideration as we are debating whether to station our more loyal members at the houses of those who refuse to become members. Someone needs to keep an eye on them.

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (4)

Fullerton Pacifist Joins NRA – Buys Uzi


Fullerton, Orange County, CA – Fullerton resident and lifelong pacifist Dylan Donovan today announced that he has finally caved in to environmental pressures by joining the NRA and buying an Uzi sub-machine gun. Speaking from his home in downtown Fullerton, Donovan told reporters:

“I’ve always been against violence in any shape or form. I’ve also believed in the rights of any individual – regardless of race, sexual orientation or gender – to live a life unimpeded by violence of any description. It breaks my heart to say it, but I just don’t feel safe anymore.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in Crooked Cops, Top StoriesComments (3)

Study: Gun Advocates Commonly Cowards?


A recent study conducted by the NRA surprisingly finds instances of gun ownership are tied directly to those prone to acts of cowardice.

The study surveyed 924 gun owners and asked them a variety of questions, and included 323 non-gun owners as a control group.

When the question was asked “Would you stand up to a bully in the street?” 84% of gun owners said “yes”, but when asked if they’d do so without a gun, the number shrunk to just 14%, compared with 42% of non-gun owners. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Crime, SocietyComments (18)

Study: Illegal Gun Owners Have Larger Genitalia


In a recent study published jointly by the NAACP and the NCAA, it has been found that those possessing firearms illegally have a penis, on average, three inches longer.

“It’s true,” said Rebecca Haywood, spokeswoman and study researcher. “I’ve seen every man through this detention center in the past month, and I have to say, guys who don’t have [concealed license] permits are bigger in the penis by two standard deviations.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in Strange PeopleComments (2)

Deaf 3 Year Old Arrested for Sneaking Finger-Guns into School


Hunter Spanjer, who also goes by Little John Wayne or the Tiny Terminator depending on the social situation, was arrested last week for bringing firearms onto school property. Though, to be clear, it wasn’t an “arm”, it was his fingers so the technical term would be “firefinger”.

Nebraska school officials, upon receiving a tip, quickly notified the authorities of the imminent danger to their campus and possible hostage situation that was taking place. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Kidz Zone, SocietyComments (3)

Pro-knife movement to arm unborn babies


Congress Steve Stockman (R-Texas), pro-knife advocate, has introduced H.R. 1526, the Weapons for Unborn Act of 2013 – a bill to require doctors performing abortions to arm unwanted fetuses with a choice of close combat weapon.

“I have one concern: protecting developing infants from dangerous abortion doctor predators,” Stockman explained. “By arming qualified embryos and fetuses, we can create a safer situation for our unborn children.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

The Amending Of The Amendments- We Take A Trip Back To 1789


Welcome dear readers as we take a trip through time back to when our forefathers were writing that fateful and world famous bit of legislation so beloved and contested over in our time, the Amendments to the Constitution of the United States of America, otherwise known as the Bill of Rights. We hover now above them, fully able to see and hear all that transpires below: Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

U.S. Congressman defends citizen right to all weapons


U.S. Congressman Ted Yoho (Republican – Florida) has come out in favor of American citizens owning the same weapons as the U.S. military. “On guns, [my constituents] were saying that the sentiment, when you read the Second Amendment, is that the militia had the same equipment as the military to protect them against the tyrannical government,” said Yoho. “I think it’s more important today than ever, that we uphold our second amendment.”

RIGHT: U.S. Congressman Ted Yoho (R-FL) opens the way for personal nukes. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

Share

Posted in Top StoriesComments (5)

NRA solves gun violence problem: Bullet-proof vests for every American


A small minority of Americans (estimated to be less than 87%) were shocked by recent remarks by Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Association, the world’s largest gun rights lobbying organization.

In his remarks LaPierre argued forcefully that the problem is not that there are too many guns in America. The problem is that there are not enough of them. Putting the blame for youth violence squarely where it belongs, LaPierre argued that the problem is not that deadly weapons are almost as easy to buy as toothpaste. Read the full story

Share

Posted in CrimeComments (1)

Jesus Imaginary Christ! Snake Worshipers for Romney


GlossyNews.com – LEXINGTON — Appalachian state exit polls reflect 47% of snake worshipers scribbled an “X” for Romney while others claimed disenfranchisement of their right to vote.

Election Protection logged a number of phone reports claiming a Kentucky polling place denied entry to registered voters carrying snakes. Read the full story

Share

Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Supreme Court Protects Corporations’ Right to Bear Arms


Washington D.C. – Today the Supreme Court upheld Corporations’ Second Amendment Rights.

This decision comes in the wake of the much controversial decision, FEC v. Citizens United, where the Court upheld corporations First Amendment rights to free speech by striking down provisions of the McCain-Feingold Act.

In the historic case of Wal-mart v United States, the supreme court extended the same constitutional liberties granted to free citizens of the United States to the mega store chain. the Justices were split in a 5-4 decision. The decision residing on whether or not corporations had the same rights as individuals since they were an assembly of individual citizens, including the second ammendment right to bear arms.

Right: Image appears courtesy of Heather Gillam. Click to enlarge.

Michael T. Duke, CEO of Wal-mart, said “This is a great day for liberty indeed. No longer does the American public have to be dependent on the United States Military for protection from foreign invasion, now they can get the same protection at a lower price.”

Wal-mart, employing more people than the US Army, has built a reputation of offering consumer goods and services at a cheaper price than any competitor.

Robson Walton, eldest son of the founder Sam Walton, explained “We already have enough firearms and ammunition to arm all of our employees. We also have the food and resources to provide Americans with a more adequate response to natural disasters than the military. We don’t want to replace the Military by any means, we just want to provide people with another option.”

Chief Justice Roberts wrote the majority opinion, stating “Corporations have been treated like second class citizens for far too long. It was our landmark decision in FEC v Citizens United that protected the freedoms guaranteed by the Constitution of these United States and had raised the question of corporations subservient role in our national context.

It is the opinion of the court that these patriots will be protected. We will no longer fear terror with the additional protection these private citizens will provide, to ensure freedom will be enjoyed by future generations without fear and prejudice.”

The dissenting opinion, written by Justice Sotomayor, was the shortest in the court’s history. It simply read “I’m moving to Canada.”

Mass mobilizations have been spotted around Target and K-Mart stores around the nation, Wal-mart citing the necessity for a preemptive strike before the “tyranny of these rouge chains can be contained.” Wal-Mart used grainy satellite imaging, processed at the Wal-Mart Photo Center impressively in under an hour, as evidence. These photos showed Wal-Mart’s competitors attempting to lower their prices in order to gain the capital necessary to arm themselves.

Wal-Mart, following their typical business model, has been purchasing armaments from China. They reported that “the Chinese have provided cheaper munitions, allowing Wal-Mart to provide world class security that a working class family can afford.”

Pentagon senior officials look forward to the relief provided by Americas corporations, going further to say “finally, the private sector is doing something to protect this nation.”

Duke, while cleaning a gold plated .45 caliber handgun asserted that “maybe now corporations will be granted the right to vote, guaranteed by the 14th amendment. Having to pay a politician to make sure your interests are met is such an arduous process, and unconstitutional if you ask me.”

Senate and House Republicans have rallied around the decision, emphasizing the reduced cost for future military conflicts they plan to blame on President Obama.

Share

Posted in Biz News, Human InterestComments (6)

Gun Enthusiasts Enthusiastic Following Theater Shooting


I recently had the great fortune to talk to Guy Fortescue, head of the NRA chapter in Lexington, Kentucky, about the Second Amendment and what he’d previously described to me as the “integral American liberty to carry guns.” What follows is a transcription of our meeting, where we discussed why carrying guns would’ve prevented the theater shooting in Colorado. Read the full story

Share

Posted in CrimeComments (1)

DIY Assault Rifle Goes on Sale, Despite ACLU Support


BMB Industries has introduced the new Black Momba Assault Rifle Kit claiming, ‘it can be assembled right in the peace and comfort of your own home using simple, everyday tools.’

The Black Momba kit, model M-160-B assault rifle, will be released for sale via online retailers tomorrow and will fill the needs of descriminating first-time gun owners in time for Christmas. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (0)

Page 1 of 212
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Check This Out!

ca-dress.com shop dresses online

Recommended Sportsbook MyBookie.ag

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial