Tag Archive | "NRA"

The Proposed 2013 Great Gun Grab…Why Sen. Dianne Feinstein is Full of It

Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com) – Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.)—author of the federal “assault weapon” and “large” ammunition magazine ban of 1994-2004—has announced that on the first day of the new Congress—January 3rd— she will introduce a bill to which her 1994 ban will pale by comparison.

On Dec. 17th, Feinstein said, “I have been working with my staff for over a year on this legislation” and “It will be carefully focused.” Indicating the depth of her research on the issue, she said on Dec. 21st that she had personally looked at pictures of guns in 1993, and again in 2012. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (34)

NRA solves gun violence problem: Bullet-proof vests for every American

A small minority of Americans (estimated to be less than 87%) were shocked by recent remarks by Wayne LaPierre, CEO of the National Rifle Association, the world’s largest gun rights lobbying organization.

In his remarks LaPierre argued forcefully that the problem is not that there are too many guns in America. The problem is that there are not enough of them. Putting the blame for youth violence squarely where it belongs, LaPierre argued that the problem is not that deadly weapons are almost as easy to buy as toothpaste. Read the full story


Posted in CrimeComments (1)

Siege Of NRA Headquarters By Outraged Citizens Enters Its Second Day.

The siege at the NRA Headquarters has entered its second day. Irate citizens, sickened by the NRA’s constant arrogant promotion of guns of mass destruction in society especially in the wake of the child shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary School, have repeatedly attacked the facility using suicide bombs and mortars.

Interestingly they have not been using the assault rifles and hardcore guns that the NRA is famous for insisting on fronting for arms dealers. Instead, they have decided to vent their feelings Iraqi style. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, Strange PeopleComments (4)

Mob Storms Charlton Heston’s Grave, Tear Gun Out His Cold, Dead Hands

Outraged citizens, incensed by the shredding of childrens bodies at Sandy Hook Elementary School last week by a crazy with an assault rifle, turned out in droves at the grave of Charleton Heston, legendary CEO of the National Rifle Association, to rip him out of his entombment.

Their goal was to tear the Bushmaster .223, the same assault weapon used in the Sandy Hook massacre, out of his hands that he was buried holding. Read the full story


Posted in Health, Strange PeopleComments (5)

Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA

WASHINGTON DC–Motorcycle clubs across America have accepted the challenge to protect this country’s schools.

NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school.

America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support.

“Hell, I’ll ride up bright and early before first bell, proudly wearing school colors against my own,” stated a biker who identified himself as a Hells Angel, although proof of membership was not provided at time of interview. Read the full story


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NRA Finds Just the Man for Their Propaganda Ministry

The National Rifle Association, caught like a raccoon in the headlights by the shooting of grade school children, has been awfully quiet since the incident.

The shooting puts them in a very negative light since they support the sales of the very weapons that tore up the bodies of the little kids at Sandy Hook.

They have finally announced that they will be holding a press conference on the Friday after the tragedy, a move that has certainly bought them some valuable time to go over the collateral damage this has done (not to the kids, but rather to their image) and, most importantly to them, how to get back to making those big bucks pushing guns with maximum kill ratios. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, Strange PeopleComments (3)

The NRA Experiments With Mexican Cartel Sales Tactics

As Marcus Nowlberg walked down the sidewalk in his hometown of Suburbiaville, Colorado one August evening, little did he know that his life was about to about to change dramatically.

“Hey kid!” a creepy voice yelled out of the alley he was passing. “Wanna make some big money?”

“What’s up?” replied Marcus, a bit frightened. He couldn’t quite make out the middle aged man who called out to him from the darkness, but he could see that he was wearing a 50’s style fedora and a trench coat. “Oh nuts!” he thought, “Another pervert wanting to flash me!” Read the full story


Posted in CrimeComments (14)

Gun Enthusiasts Enthusiastic Following Theater Shooting

I recently had the great fortune to talk to Guy Fortescue, head of the NRA chapter in Lexington, Kentucky, about the Second Amendment and what he’d previously described to me as the “integral American liberty to carry guns.” What follows is a transcription of our meeting, where we discussed why carrying guns would’ve prevented the theater shooting in Colorado. Read the full story


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Charlton Heston Returns From Grave To Protect Colorad Gun Rights Despite Batman Theater Shootings

The iconic movie matinee idol Charlton Heston has risen from the dead like a neo Jesus Christ to stick up for his National Rifle Association buddies after a gunman shot 70 people, killing 12 including children, at a midnight Batman movie premiere in the Denver area close to Columbine.

Rolling in his grave at the thought of another injustice to his beloved gun club he arose from the grave to make damn sure that didn’t happen. Just like he did after the Columbine High School shootings a short ways away from the Read the full story


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Jared Loughner Named Newest NRA Poster Boy

Jared Loughner has been chosen the poster boy of the year for the NRA–the Nutso Retard Association of America.

The minute his mugshot hit the press, the top officials of the organization were unanimous in saying “That’s our boy! He’s got the look we want! He’s clean cut (very!), he’s got a winning smile, he’s got a bright, happy look in his eyes. He’s just the one to represent what we stand for!” Read the full story


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Moose Take Aim on Chickenhawk Ted Nugent

POINT BARROW, Alaska (GlossyNews) — Local Alaskan law enforcement agencies were shocked recently to learn of a plot by local moose to do in redneck rocker Ted Nugent during a concert here. The normally quiet, vegetarian moose have been in a tither since his concert posters were first put up. Their anger is over the fact that the long haired and semi psychopathic Nugent is a famous hunter as well, one who seems to deem it an almost religious undertaking.

“The shooting of animals for sport and meat is a God given virtue that He has given unto man. We are meant to have dominion over the earth and its denizens. That means we have the right to blow them into teensy little pieces if we want to.” Read the full story


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Guns Galore at 139th Annual Meeting of NRA

Charlotte, NC (GlossyNews) -– It’s all about guns. Guns, guns, guns. Guns and more guns. There are big guns, little guns, guns that kill just one person, and guns that are capable of killing more than one person at a time. Guns for show and guns for show-time. There are great gun names like Howitzer and Luger and, as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say, “nine milleemeeters.” There are assault rifles, sniper rifles, submachine guns, light machine guns, semi-automatics, fully automatics, auto automatics, super automatics, uber automatics, ahhhhhhhhtowmaaaaaatics. Read the full story


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NRA Rushes Arms To Help Beleaguered Mexican Drug Cartels

Boca Raton, NM (GlossyNews) — The National Rifle Association, (NRA), ever at hand to aid the munitionally deprived, is running to the aid of drug cartels in Northern Mexico. Noting that they are in need of arms and ammunition, they immediately sent down several truckloads of supplies to aid them in their ‘quest for freedom’.

“We are in support of their right to express themselves as described in the 1st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution (the freedom of speech).” stated NRA spokesman Will Tokill. “I know we usually only speak out in favor of the 2nd Amendment (the right to bear arms), but these are special circumstances. Read the full story


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Wounded Rapist Demands Tougher Gun Control Laws

Philadelphia, PA (GlossyNews): An unnamed accused serial rapist demanded tougher gun control laws from his hospital bed in suburban Philadelphia earlier today, just hours after being admitted by police for a gun shot wound incurred while attempting to assault a local woman. Lawyers for the alleged rapist charged their client was “the real victim of this assault,” and warned that easy access to legal firearms was “[Making] committing a rape or other violent crime nearly impossible in many suburban areas.” Read the full story


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NRA Pushes For Personal Atom Bomb For Every American

The National Rifle Association unleashed its new campaign to allow all American citizens “their God-given rights to own an atom bomb!” The public is being bombarded with television, newspaper, movie and billboard ads pushing the new ‘right’ that the NRA feels should be passed through Congress. Already the Fox News channel has picked up the baton and is aggressively pushing for legalization of individual possession. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Conservatives Shift From ‘Compassionate’ to ‘Cold-blooded’ Conservatism

The Republicans, still smarting from their losses in the 2008 elections, have taken a new stance. Gone are the Bush I and II philosophies of ‘Compassionate Conservatism’. The new motto is ‘Cold-Blooded Conservatism’. This new attitude will focus on further crushing the working and middle class with less rights and diminished wages, which they’ve been doing anyway, just now they won’t smile and pretend they aren’t anymore. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (15)

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