Tag Archive | "Health"

Have You Heard About Dyzastra?


Have you been feeling sluggish lately? Why not try Dyzastra? (“Di-ZAH-Struh”)

Do you have a spare tire around your middle that you’d like to get rid of? How about trying Dyzastra?

Stomach pain, the common cold and restless leg syndrome are no match for Dyzastra.

Do you have toenail fungus that just won’t go away? Maybe it’s time you tried Dyzastra. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, HealthComments (0)

Open Carry Texas Opens Fire, Saves Lives at San Antonio Sonic


Gun Rights Activists flaunting their 2nd Amendment rights were in the right place at the right time yesterday when they courageously exchanged gunfire in a Houston based Sonic fast food restaurant and saved several restaurant goers the fate of high cholesterol and clogged arteries. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, Strange PeopleComments (2)

Militant Crossfit Group Claims Responsibility in Suicide Bombing of 24-Hour Fitness


SAN DIEGO, CA. The brutal conflict between traditional, moderate fitness aficionados at franchise gyms and the growing radical Crossfit movement escalated tragically yesterday, as a suicide bomb exploded in a 24-Hour Fitness in the LaJolla neighborhood of San Diego, killing 5 and wounding 12.

The alleged perpetrator, Johhny “Burpee” Lawrence, 26, was a member of Crossfit Jihad, a militant fitness group known to meet in an extremist training facility, or what is called a “box” in Crossfit doctrine. Lawrence’s “box” trained in the garage of a local leader, or “coach,” Mick McAllister. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, ReligionismComments (0)

I Guess I Have an Irrational Fear of Tubes Going in my Urethra


Guest writer Doug Fedler

Call me crazy, but I just don’t like the idea of having tubes inserted into my urethra. I guess everyone’s got their quirks.

Maybe my thinking is a little cluttered since I’m about to have my appendix taken out.

I did a little digging on the subject and found out that sometimes they use a catheter. It’s a tube that helps you pee. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, Opinon/EditorialComments (5)

IMPORTANT HEALTH SAFETY WARNING: THESE FOODS WILL KILL YOU!


It seems every week there is a new research study about yet another popular food staple that has been linked to cancer or heart disease.

It can all be very confusing. First they tell you that grape juice is a heart-healthy beverage. Then another study comes out arguing that it’s bad for you (contains as much sugar as soft drinks). Read the full story

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Posted in Health, SocietyComments (1)

Report: Libertarianism Classified As Mental Disorder


In a development that is stirring nationwide anger, the American Psychological Association has released a report classifying Libertarianism as a mental disorder.

Head researcher Paul Keynes discussed the organization’s findings, which were gleaned from a 10-year study that interviewed and tested over one hundred thousand self-described libertarians. He said: Read the full story

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Posted in Health, PoliticsComments (4)

Top 13 Ailments Mis-Diagnosed through Google


Every day, millions of Americans get sick. If they’re smart, they’ll go to Google before hitting up their local HMO provider. Most of them get the wrong diagnosis, but they save a fortune along the way.

Based on our research, we’ve collected a number of case studies of individuals who have sought the sage advice of Google before going in for proper treatment.

Below are just a few of our case studies:

Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (5)

Weight-Loss Program Guarantees You’ll Lose Interest in Under 2 Weeks


INDIANAPOLIS – As millions of Americans continue to return to post-holiday life, a controversial new weight-loss program – pioneered by a self-help guru in California – guarantees that dieters will lose interest in the program in just 2 weeks.

Launching his lifestyle book Lose Interest In Healthy Eating: 14 Days Back to the Same Old You, Dr. Allen Wilkes insisted Monday that while his methods may not appeal to everyone, weight-conscious Americans can return to an apathetic lifestyle after “two weeks of giving it their best shot.” Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, HealthComments (1)

How to Lose Weight the (Cheap &/or?) Easy Way


I meant to write this 20 or 30 pounds ago, but I wasn’t yet fully sure it wasn’t an anomaly, so I held off. But I’ve kept shedding the pounds, so I feel inclined to share. You know, for the betterment of society, but also just to brag.

Losing weight is easy. Really it is. All you have to do is take in fewer calories than you burn over the course of your day… sounds too simple, right? I’ll never sell a million books with such an obvious message, so allow me to needlessly elaborate. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (2)

Extreme Yoga Takes Downward Dog Turn


Health advisers are warning people of the dangers of the extreme yoga craze that is sweeping the nation.

An extreme form of yoga has been developed among a group of hardcore practitioners, in the underground yoga dens of New York, which involves various difficult postures including one where you have to turn yourself inside out.

In what is now being dubbed as Bikram-in, Bikram-out yoga, pupils are lead into increasingly difficult stretches and positions and, ultimately, the ‘inverted-you’ posture. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (4)

Burger King, Dairy Queen Conclude Royal Tour of Man’s Intestines


FORT WAYNE – The ruling monarchs of the fast food industry, Burger King and Dairy Queen, concluded their recent tour of local man Patrick McMillan’s small intestine Thursday, ending a successful domestic engagement.

The Royals were also treated to a glimpse of the 27-year-old’s stomach and food pipe during the extensive 2-day visit, which also saw them engage with dignitaries from The Coca Cola Company and Nestle. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (2)

America Ranks #1 in Human Energy Conservation (Laziness)


One of President Obama’s campaign promises was to address the energy crisis. It’s one of his top priorities just after healthcare reform, job creation, education reform and improving his Baseball Opening Day Ceremonial Curve Ball (needs a lot of work).

Americans can now beam with pride because on one front, America is making amazing progress: Energy conservation.

According to a recent survey by the widely respected and completely unheard of news publication, The Daily Beast, the United States now ranks #1 in the entire world in personal energy conservation. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (4)

Common Spastic Condition Receives a New Name


From today, nobody will ever again suffer from the annoying and temporary condition known as the hiccups, according to the World Health Organisation (WHO).

That is because they have suddenly decided to name them after their cause rather than the symptom, in line with current medical naming conventions.

“Our lead researchers all agree that it makes more sense to call this condition Temporary Spastic Diaphragm, or TSD for short,” a WHO spokesperson explained. “After all, we don’t call measles ‘red, spotty rash,’ and we don’t call dyslexia ‘letter confusion’ either.” Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (1)

Traffic Light Nutritional Coding System Given Green Light


A new system of coding fat, sugar and salt content has been approved and would mean that all pre-packed food would have to display a colour coded guide on the front of the package.

Red would mean high in fat, sugar or salt, amber meaning a little higher then needed and green meaning acceptable levels. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, News In Your BriefsComments (1)

Comic Books Say POW to Cancer


Link found between comic books and reduction in cancer risk.

In a world where everything can give you cancer scientists have found that reading comic books reduces the risk.

According to scientists at Brown University ‘a comic book a day can keep cancer at bay’. Having found no real reason for the link they are now speculating about the idea of the readers ‘absorbing’ the powers from the characters which prevents cancer growth as they found readers of the X-Men comics have the lowest risk beloved to be directly related to the character Wolverine, who can regenerate. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (1)

When it Comes to Healthcare, Give Me Liberty and Give Me Death!


America is the world leader in most important categories: #1 in nuclear warheads, #1 in citizens incarcerated, and breaking into the top 50 in healthcare. We don’t look to Europe for solutions to our problems because those countries are a bunch of whiny, over-indulged socialist brie-eaters with funny accents. Read the full story

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Posted in HealthComments (1)

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