Early one mornin’ I was smokin’ a spliff
Couldn’t get outa bed
Wondrin’ if I’d ever changed the sheets
Or if I could still give amazin’ head
My folks said my life in Canada
Sure was gonna be tough
They never did like
PCÂ gender pronouns
Or authoritarian hate speech laws
And there I was standin’ on the side of the road
Lookin’ for a new safe space
Heading out to my new comfy campus
Lord knows I’ll pay some dues
To get me through
Tangled up with Trudeau
I was single when we first met
Not to say divorced
He helped me get away from my last brain cells
Not that this required too much force!
We drove our sophistry as far as we could
Critiquing the hell outa the West
Split up on the topic of xhe or qwxhe
And whether cis hippos should have breasts
He turned around and goofy, smiled at me
As I was walkin’ away
I heard him say with a mouthful of latte
We’ll tweet outrage again one day
Like we used to do
Tangled up with Trudeau!
I stayed up all night trolling Zionist Jews
And I gave dead white capitalists hell
And I never did like Locke or Hayek or Mill
As from my Tumblr you can tell
So I wrote a 10 000 word pomo critical creatise
Hoping I could be employed
Workin’ for a while in an Ivy League college
With some gender-neutral girls and boys
But all the while I screamed and moaned
That goofy smile was close behind
I’ve seen a lot of soy-drinking femmos
But he never escaped my mind
So my existential bitterness grew
Tangled up with Trudeau!
I was workin’ in a sex-positive Ashram
And Justi Baby dropped in for a beer
He asked me if we were ethically sourced
And all of a sudden it was clear
That earlier on, when I had self-diagnosed gout
And Asperger’s, flu and AIDs
He had whispered there, by the back of the chair and whimpered
Baby, can we play the game?
I muttered somethin’ about microaggressions
Told him to study my Tumblr blog
I must admit I was a little outraged
At his patriarchal fairy tale of frogs
Tangled up with Trudeau!
So now I’m goin’ back again
I got to get to him somehow
All the dead straight males we used to study
They’re just canonical hate speech now
Some are mathematicians
Some are white supremacist liars
Don’t know why we’re reading this bullshit
Or how we’re supposed to get on with our lives
When our oppressors have their neoliberal boots on our throats
So we can’t even smoke a joint
Science is obviously hate speech
But I guess we can still celebrate
All points of view
Tangled up with Trudeau!
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