You Can Win $100 by Writing Killer Satire

glossy-news-roxorzThis contest is active for the month of January and February (extended for March as well), and it will be held-over every month thereafter as long as readership continues to build and the user response is positive.

Each month, authors will get prizes totaling $100 or more in recognition of being the top satire author on Glossy News.

See the January 2010 Winners
See the February 2010 Winners

Judging Criteria

The winner will be selected based on a combination of the following guidelines:

Top Traffic – Only articles appearing in our top 25-for the month will be considered, with those showing the highest traffic getting extra points. If you have several articles in the top-25, you’ll get extra consideration for the prize. This is a reward for the top author, not the top story, so feel free to submit as often as you feel inspired and we’ll take the total tally into consideration.

NOTE: To help the traffic of your story, share it with your friends, submit it to Digg, Fark, Reddit, StumbleUpon and other social networking sites to get the word out there about it. You can also use our SHARE/SAVE button on the bottom of each page to accomplish the mission more easily.

Top Income – Some articles show good revenue, but fail to show as much traffic as others. As such, top revenue articles will also be considered for top author reward, regarldess of readership. Please do not click ads on your own articles, as we are able to track this (as are our advertisers), so doing so may disqualify you. You could ask your friends to click on your ads, and we wouldn’t be able to track it, but it’s still strongly disencouraged.

NOTE: More traffic generally equals more income, so focus on quality content and sharing the story with those you know and love, and the income factor will follow. Writing an obsene story will likely diminish income, as many advertisers choose not to advertise on such article pages.

Top Comments – Articles that have the highest number of comments will also be considered, if to a lesser extent. Your comments to the articles of other authors will also be considered in this equation, though likewise to a lesser extent.

NOTE: You are free to comment on your own stories, and these count, but please refrain from engaging in flame-war style discussions. If you want to post comments without your name attached, logoff and submit comments under another name and email address, and they will almost surely be posted.

Hit:Miss Ratio – If you submit only 2 articles for the month, and one is a top story, your hit to miss ratio is exceptional. If you submit 100 stories, and only one makes the top list, your ratio isn’t quite as good. We do love quantity, but quality is what really sells. We’re not trying to encourage authors to submit millions of articles in hopes that one magically hits, but rather encourage authors to focus on submitting high quality content. Likewise we’re not asking authors to submit only one story when they have many more they could have, but it’s worthy of striking a balance.

NOTE: If you’re inherently prolific, don’t take this as a reason not to publish frequently, but rather as advice to revisit your stories and make them as sharp and polished as possible.

Previous Month’s Performance – If your article performed well this month, and also performed well last month, this will be considered.

NOTE: Don’t wait until the first of the month to submit your story, run it now. Your previous month’s performance will also be taken into account, so the arbitrary selection of first-of-the-month cutoffs won’t hurt your chances.


In the event of fraud or disqualification, the prize will be given to the next eligible runner(s)-up. If there is a tie, we may choose to split the prize between two or more recipients, reducing the prize to $50, $33 or $25, depending upon the number of eligible first-place winners.

Secondary Considerations:

These factors will not help choose the finalists, but they will help settle a close race.

Previous Win – If you’ve previously won, and there is a close race, the benefit will be given to the other author, as we wish to foster new authors as much as those who are already established.

NOTE: This is not to disincentivize our top authors to stop trying, but rather to encourage them to step up their game. If an author has already demonstrated the skills to win, they should be able to blow a previous author out of the water, rather than come in a close second, or tie for first.

Perfection of Articles – Another tie-breaker may be the level of difficulty required in editing and publishing articles. If two authors are neck and neck, and one has submitted stories that are 70-80% ready to run, while the other author has submitted stories that are 90-100% ready to run, the author closer to perfection will take the win.

NOTE: Once you have an established author account, you can request inclusion in the STAFF ONLY forum where you can read tutorials and get advice on how to make your articles the best they can possibly be for the terms of our publication schedule.

Overall Skill – If it comes down to a near-even tie between two first-time winners, or two second-time winners, the overall skill and craft may be taken into consideration.

NOTE: This is a very last case resort sort of thing. It comes down to arbitrary judgment, but the only way to win the tie-breaker is by being the very best you can be, and never settling for less than the best from your stories.


When do I have to submit to be eligible?
Any article submitted ever still counts. If you submitted an article in November or December, it still counts for the January or February contest. If you have old articles submitted from months or years ago, you can still promote them for consideration in any given month’s contest.

What formats are expected?
We currently have room for several formats:
1 – Full format satire news. Full article of the funny, fake variety. Can be anything from current events to totally made up spoof news.

2 – Serious Commentary. Full article that is not funny, but a serious commentary on the our political or social climate. This can be anything intelligent of the caliber of Huffington Post, Daily Kos, etc.

3 – News in Your Briefs. Headline with only one paragraph, but it must be funny.

4 – Making Headlines. Typically headline only, though may include up to one sentence of explanation. This has to be funny to make the cut.

5 – Other… we’re looking to expand to video, cartoons, and other media, but we’re waiting for someone like you to make it happen.

Will I retain ownership over my content?
YES! For full details on this, see our Satire Submission page for more information.

What advantages does Glossy News offer over satire competitors?
There are a number of satire competitors in the market, but Glossy News does have its advantages. We are a Google News accredited outlet, so your stories typically appear in the searchable database of within minutes of publication, but we also publish 4-10 articles per day, with significant direct, loyal readership. We also edit your headlines and add photographs to make your story more appealing, promote the site, and perform behind-the-scenes Search Engine Optimization to help your article succeed. We also allow you to post an author bio on your profile, which appears below every article you post, with your information and a link to your site, if you have one, all of which further promote you.

Are reprints okay?
Under most circumstances, yes. We don’t have a problem with reprints, so if you’ve previously published stories on your own site, or on another site that allows you to retain copyright and reprint rights, you’re welcome to republish those stories here on Glossy News. As long as the story is timeless, we’ll gladly allow even the oldest story that you have the rights to submit to us.

How soon will my stories be published?
If you submit one story, you should expect to see it show up within a few days. If you submit 30 stories or more, which you are free to do, you will likely see them dolled out over the course of a longer time, typically at a rate of 1 per day, though some authors are allowed to publish at faster rates.

When is the best time to submit an article?
Some think you should wait until next month begins, but the truth is that now is the very best time. If your article goes big today, the echos will carry through to next month. If you wait until the 5th, you’ll miss at least five days out of the month, though perhaps more, as some articles are not published until many days after they are submitted. Since we consider the previous month’s performance into the equation, there’s absolutely no reason to sandbag your articles for a later date.

How will I know if I win?
The winner will be notified within a few days of the month’s end, but will also be announced in the ‘Staff Only’ section of the forums. If you don’t have access to this section of the forums, use the contact page to talk with Brian to have your account enabled.

How will I be paid?
The winner will be paid through PayPal. If you are unable to accept payment through PayPal, some other method will be made, such as Western Union, though the cost for the transfer may be deducted from the total prize.

I’m a Farker, should I submit a story?
On the one hand, yes you should, since Fark readers are unusually clever, of uncommonly high curiosity, and they can smell a farce a mile away. On the other hand, no you shouldn’t, because we’re not The Onion, and anything in fake news that isn’t The Onion should be burnt in sacrifice, even if it’s superbly brilliant. We understand that, and we’ve come to terms with it. If you’re a Farker, and you can also come to terms with it, then yes you should.

What about disqualification?
There are a ton of ways you could be disqualified, and this is only a partial list. Clicking on ads that appear on your own article, using human or automated methods to artifically inflate your page count, sending unsolicited emails to promote your articles, using any blackhat forms of SEO, or otherwise using unscrupulous methods to make your articles appear more popular and/or profitable than they really are. If you are found to have plagiarized, you will also be disqualified, so please write original stories.

What WILL NOT get me disqualified?
Responding to comments posted on your articles, with real or fabricated names. Promoting links to your article(s) on sites like Digg, Reddit, Fark, StumbleUpon, Facebook, MySpace, etc. Sending emails about your article to people that you PERSONALLY KNOW, who will not see the message as Spam, but as a letter from a friend.

How do I know it’s fair?
You don’t, but the winner will be announced in the forums, and you can ask him/her if he/she really deserved it, and even make that assessment for yourself.

Can I become cool by writing popular satire?
You can become cool, though it’s unlikely that you can do so by writing satire.

Will this make me famous?
The short answer is no, but the longer is answer is, well, a bit longer. Two of our past writers have gone on to publish books after leaving Glossy News, and one went on to write for television, but it was always because of their talent, not because they were working here.

How many stories can I post?
As many as you want, but a general rule is no fewer than 2 per month, and not more than 2 per day. Leaves a lot of room to figure it out, doesn’t it?

How do I submit a story?
Go to our Satire Submission page for full information.

If you still have questions, frequently asked or otherwise, please post them below for us to review. It may just mean the difference in adding them to this page!

January 2010 Top Authors:
Fuzzy Duffy took an early lead for 1st-prize, but the race for the 2nd award was tight right up until the last day of the month. Rev. Mike narrowly took the prize over P. Beckert.
#1 Fuzzy Duffy
#2 Rev. Mike

February 2010 Top Authors:
Patti Beckert has consistently led the leaderboards on Glossy News since she came aboard, so the fact that she topped the charts in February comes as no surprise.
#1 Patti Beckert
#2 Jakey

Here’s looking to March with a fresh prize up for grabs.

Author: BK Satire Webmaster

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

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