Category: World News
Castro Warns of Nuclear War. Blames “Damn Kids on Lawn.”
HAVANA, Cuba – (GlossyNews) Cuban leader, Fidel Castro, delighted Cuba’s Parliament with his first public appearance in over four years. A strong, healthy, and vigorous Castro amazed Cuba’s leaders and the assembled press corps alike with his deep grasp of…
Bjork, Pirates, Determined To Help Iceland Out of Economic Hardship
REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems. Iceland, long a self reliant land,…
Britain Invades US Over 4th of July Humiliation
Great Britain has invaded the United States of America in a fit of irritation over the glee showed during Independence day festivities, and to win back the valuable territory lost in both the Revolutionary War and the War of 1812….
Video Surfaces of Missing Glossy News Journalist
SNOHOMISH, Washington (GlossyNewsSA) — It remains uncertain whether legendary correspondent Blake Pennywhistle is alive or dead, but recent developments at least hold reason for hope. A DVD was left taped to the coffee machine at Glossy News NYC headquarters, sometime…
Miners in Ghana Feared Dead or Taking Dives to Protest Working Conditions
ACCRA, Ghana (GlossyNews) — According to local officials in Ghana, at least 32 miners from Dunkwa Akyempim are feared dead after the gold mine they were working in collapsed from torrential rains. Although the accident occurred on Sunday, rescue efforts…
US Declares Entire Gulf of Mexico a US Oil Reserve
WASHINGTON D.C. (GlossyNews) — The U.S. today decreed the Gulf of Mexico should be made into the Southern National Petroleum Reserve and should fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Military. Much like the little known National Petroleum Reserve that…
Greek Austerity Plan Revealed – The Gods are Not Pleased
ATHENS, Greece (GlossyNews) — Today on Mt. Olympus, hearts were broken, tears were shed, and millennia long careers ended as the news was made official. In obedience to the EU bailout plan, Greece has reluctantly agreed; lots of gods and…
Fatwa Declared Against GlossyNews Writer
LONDON, UK (GlossyNews) — A Fatwa has been declared against GlossyNews as a reaction to the thousands of articles ridiculing the Taliban, suicide bombers, Muslim clerics, Islamic law and a host of other things that seem strange and humorous to…
Obama Misses Asses, Falls Flat on His Own
WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) -– Americans were buoyed last week when President Obama declared he was ready to kick ass over the BP oil spill, fully expecting him to go out immediately and find whose ass to kick. However, even with…
Mexican Recovered from Gulf Oil Spill
Grand Isle, LA (GlossyNews) –A team of marine biologists recovered 120 specimens of wild life from the rapidly spreading oil spill off the coast of Louisiana Wednesday. The team, comprised of staff and students from several Gulf Coast universities, volunteered…