LONDON, UK (GlossyNews) — A Fatwa has been declared against GlossyNews as a reaction to the thousands of articles ridiculing the Taliban, suicide bombers, Muslim clerics, Islamic law and a host of other things that seem strange and humorous to infidels. Internal GlossyNews security personnel issued a red alert throughout the elegant British headquarters at Number 12 Downing Street, which resides next to the Prime Minister’s offices.
The site was chosen to ensure proximity and immediate access to a major source of material. Although in the past the nearness of GlossyNews to the PM has created tension between the government and the press, the unspoken rule of “good fences make good neighbors” has prevailed. But now that officials at Number 10 are facing the threat of al Qaeda bombs destroying those fences, tempers have flared.
The death decree was issued against a particular writer, Neil, whose surname is being kept anonymous for safety reasons. Islamic activists believe Neil compared the Prophet Mohammed to a swine. What the reporter actually said in his thick brogue was, “I want some mo-ham-bread man! Dis here ain’t enought to feed a rat!”
GlossyNews will stand by its principles and support our writer, Neil Bastrop, whose family lives somewhere in Kidderminster near a carpet factory, miles from London. Although if any would-be assassins or suicide bombers affiliated with the Fatwa are reading this, GlossyNews sources indicate that Neil may accidentally have been pushed in front of a lorry this morning, so you needn’t bother coming around to get him.