Category: Society
Glossy News Journalist Missing in South America
San Vincente, Bolivia (GlossyNews) — Reporters Without Borders spokesperson Kay O’Varian today announced fears about the fate of legendary Glossy News writer Blake Pennywhistle. “We all know Blake. He’s like an Edward R. Murrow in our profession, except half-drunk all…
Furor Over Vampire-Werewolf Prom Date
May 19, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South America correspondent in hiding. In addition to the ever present mosquitoes, the air is thick with tension in this peaceful Southern town, regarding next week’s Prom. The…
Liberal Becomes Violently Ill While Going Undercover at Patriot Gathering
Springfield, Mo (GlossyNews) -– The weekly meeting of a group of local patriots came to an abrupt halt last Tuesday when its members came flying out of the United Baptists Freedom Church reception hall retching and cursing and holding their…
Icelanders Have Their Revenge, By Odin
Reykjavik, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Hammered by massive financial debts to Europe and Britain in particular, Iceland has come up with a hammer of its own to strike back with. Returning to its traditional religious roots and the old gods of…
Truce Rumored in War Against Drugs
May 14, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding. It is still too early to speak definitively, but if that busboy is correct, the United States’ longest and most costly war is…
2012 – The Year The Women Took Over
Glossy News Future Take: Year 2024 — Most political analysts look upon the 2012 Obama-Palin campaign as the start of the anarchy that now besets us. Originally known as the second Obama-McCain campaign, Palin soon eclipsed her boss in popularity…
Crude Awakening: Giant Oil Slick Blames Pat Robertson for Disaster
Lexington, VA (GlossyNews) — In a strange twist, the giant oil slick invading the Gulf Coast has blamed the capitalist pimp and preacher, known as Pat Robertson, for creating it. “I don’t know what everyone is so upset about.“ said…
Texas Governor: Oil Well Accident Act of God – Gays Still an Abomination
Austin, TX (GlossyNews) — Texas Governor Rick Perry, in a tawdry attempt to poison the jury pool when the lawsuits start flying over the BP oil spill, has announced the oil well blowout in the Gulf of Mexico is “an…
Southern Tornado Kills Ten; Nobody Surprised
Deep South, USA (GlossyNews) — Governor Bailey Harbor today viewed the scene of last weekend’s worst storm devastation. “Yep, looks the same as every other tornado hit. I’ll get President Jug Ears on the phone; see if I can get…
Missionary Finds Souls of Jungle Tribe Already “Saved”
Noplace, Ecuador (GlossyNews) — A young Christian missionary, chomping at the bit and excited that a fresh field of new pygmy souls was ripe for harvest, was distressed to find that a National Geographic photographer paid tribe members less than…