Category: News In Your Briefs
The War on Kwanzaa
I went into a Kroger’s today, and not one person wished me a Fruitful Kwanzaa….when i went to the WalMart to pick up some tasty steaks, again, not one Fruitful Kwanzaa….what is up with that? Have we come to such…
Adam Lambert May Perform at Academy Awards
It was announced today that Adam Lambert is cautiously being asked to perform at the Academy Awards. The caveat is that he must appear solo on stage, wear a loose-fitting jogging suit, and sing a medley of Barry Manilow and…
New Credit Card Rules- Vaseline and Dinner Out
Today is the first day of the new credit card rules mandated by Congress. For the first time in our history, these companies must now offer to “lube up” and to take you out to dinner at a “mid-priced or…
Live Guinea Pigs Used to Test Safety of Zhu Zhu Pets
In an ironic twist of fate, the very animals that Zhu Zhu Pets are fashioned after are being used to test the toxic levels of antimony in the fur and noses of the popular Christmas toy, and the live pets…
Obama Taps Dan Rather to Save Dying Newspaper Industry
In a surprise appearance at today’s White House Press briefing, President Obama introduced Dan Rather as his new “Dead Tree Press Czar.” Rather will be tasked to oversee the federal takeover of 27 failing liberal newspapers. “We cannot allow newsrooms…
John Boehner Changing Last Name to BAY-ner
Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) held a press conference last week to announce that he has started the process within the Ohio State court system to officially change his family name from Boehner (pronounced Boner) to BAY-ner (what he says is…
Real Reason Tiger Woods is Ending Golf Season Early
Tiger Woods just announced that he is pulling out of the golf season early, citing injuries received in his recent fender bender. He won’t be attending his own Chevron World Challenge Tournament in California. Sources close to Tiger state that…
Palin’s Book “Going Rogue” Defective, Recalled
HarperCollins has recalled all copies of Sarah Palin’s Book, “Going Rogue” and has agreed to refund the purchase price to anyone who wants it. According to a late-breaking press release, the title of the book is missing an extra word…
America Goes to Pot: 1st Marijuana Cafe Opens
Portland, OR – The first public café offering medical marijuana in the United States opened in Portland, Oregon last Friday. Now instead of grits, you can get a side of real “hash” browns with those eggs. “What a great concept,”…
TV Execs “Shocked” Balloon Dad Unstable
After months, nay years of insane ramblings, lost lawsuits and 911 calls, father Richard “the dick” Heene has been deemed a toxic asset by the Hollywood Reality Productionati. A 23 year old executive from E! told Glossy News, “Dude, seriously,…