Category: News In Your Briefs
McDonald’s Happy Meal a Day Can Prolong Life of Your Body
Denver, CO – A nutritionist, bent on taking McDonald’s down for its unhealthy practice of dishing up preservative-laden foods to the general public, has now admitted that although there are enough preservatives in a McDonald’s bun alone to allow it…
Thank You Very Much, See You in Hell
The phrase “Thank you very much, see you in hell,” is becoming as popular as “Thank you, come again” at some Middle Eastern-run convenience stores across America. TYVMSYH signs are being displayed above the licenses of most of the stores,…
Rhode Island Announces Plans to Secede from Union, Align with Zanzibar
Providence, RI (GlossyNews) Finally fed up with being classified as the America’s smallest state and with the perceived lack of respect accompanying that classification, teeny, weeny Rhode Island announced plans today to sever ties with the other 49 states. With…
Glenn Beck Wants Viewers’ Blood in Protest of Healthcare Reform
Taking a cue from the Red Shirt movement in Thailand where approximately 50,000 protesters siphoned their own blood to throw on members of Congress, Glenn Beck is considering asking his viewers to have their blood drawn and sent to his…
Al Qaeda Suicide Bomber Interview Captured on Video
WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — CIA Director Leon Panetta released today a portion of a captured al Qaeda suicide bomber job interview. In the scene, the jihadist recruiter attempts to determine if he should take a chance on the earnest young…
Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods Head Back to Work
Charlie Sheen and Tiger Woods, who have been sharing a bachelor pad in Palm Beach, have announced that they are going back to work. Sheen said his main motivation was that he was going “stir crazy” spending 24 hours a…
Largest Ever Coprolites Found Half Buried in Palin’s Back Yard
Last week, while Sarah Palin was busy making her rounds on the Tea Party circuit, expounding her views on who is and who is not a true Patriot, a group of Palintologists were busy digging up dirt in Palin’s own…
Impeached Illinois Governor to Speak at Northwestern on Ethics
Former Illinois Governor, Milorad “Rod” Blagojevich, impeached for trying to sell President Barack Obama’s vacant Senate seat in 2008, and convicted on several federal conspiracy charges including “pay to play” schemes, has been asked to speak by a group of…
Can’t Stand Dick Cheney?
Get in on the action. Anonymous Donor has just offered $1 Million to the first person to come up with a plan to wipe that “Smug Ass Look” off Dick Cheney’s face.
Woman Caught Selling Food Stamps to Buy Palin Speech Tickets
An Orlando woman was arrested for welfare fraud last weekend for trying to sell her monthly food stamps on the Florida black market in order to scrounge up the $50 necessary to buy a gallery seat to Sarah Palin’s speech…