New Star Wars Film Spoilers: Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You… Bwhaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

The POWER that comes with being one of the first ones to see the new Star Wars movie!
It is like being showered with the Dark Side of the Force!!!!!!

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

Yes, Hans Solo does come back in this new film- using a walker to get around. He finds the two new characters in his precious Millennium Falcon and yells out to them “Hey you kids! Get off my ship!” Then his dentures fall out and you can only hear him yelling in a voice that sounds as unintelligible as Chewbacca’s. Read more New Star Wars Film Spoilers: Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You… Bwhaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa

Share

Hoo-Wee: You Should See The Conditions Disney Made For Making The New Star Wars Film

The independent expose website Wakileaks has gotten hold of the original contractual agreement the Disney Corporation demanded that Director Abrams agree to before filming the new, highly anticipated and already over hyped Star Wars movie. Wakileaks then leaked it out to us, the rabid Star Wars film fanatics who are waiting with baited breath and fanged teeth for its Dec. 18th release.

Highest on the list was there had to be a love story inherent in the plot; a device Disney has used ad nauseam since it began making feature length films in the forties (with the exception of Old Yeller, Tron, a couple of its cartoons and that Living Desert film from the ’60s.) Read more Hoo-Wee: You Should See The Conditions Disney Made For Making The New Star Wars Film

Share

Possible Excuses For A Policeman To Shoot A Black Kid In The Back 16 Times.

“It was dark out and he was black. I was just shooting my gun off into the night for fun and he got in the way.”

“I can’t count beyond 3.”

“I got carpal tunnel from doing so much paperwork and it caused my finger to lock up on the trigger.”

“Oops! Forgot I wasn’t at target practice!” Read more Possible Excuses For A Policeman To Shoot A Black Kid In The Back 16 Times.

Share

The NRA Changes Its Name To ‘Jihadist Rifle Association’ Because That is Where The Money Is Now.

The National Rifle Association, smelling a chance to increase its profits and its membership, has decided to follow the money and change their name to ‘Jihadist Rifle Association’ instead.

The NRA, long a secret backer of any American tragedy that results in opulent amounts of carnage and bloodshed which stimulates greater gun sales, has finally realized that the real profits are in supplying guns to the Muslim extremists who seem to be gaining in popularity and influence not only in the Middle East but throughout the world.

Scores of U.S., European, African and Asiatic individuals are running to Syria to join ISIS which has become the Mecca for those seeking a little excitement and purpose in life and to piss off their parents. Now after the Paris and San Bernardino attacks the ISIS brand seems to be the biggest gun market in the world. Read more The NRA Changes Its Name To ‘Jihadist Rifle Association’ Because That is Where The Money Is Now.

Share

Conspiracy Theories #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy theory #846- Certain religious interests have sabotaged a vital industry that is as close to us as our skins- the condom manufacturers. Uniting under a belief that any sort of sexual union is for the purpose of producing babies only, these fanatics have infiltrated condom factories throughout the world with the intent of degrading their product. Read more Conspiracy Theories #2– Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Look At The Internet Again

Share

Even Without All The Facts In Yet, It Is Easy To Figure Out The Shoot-out At Planned Parenthood.

It is actually easy to figure out why he did it.

You don’t even have to know the yet-to-be-revealed facts of the case or those tidbits of information still being sought by the police.

Robert Dear gunned down three people at the Planned Parenthood office in Colorado Springs, Colorado. That alone tells you something. Read more Even Without All The Facts In Yet, It Is Easy To Figure Out The Shoot-out At Planned Parenthood.

Share

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Iraq Part 18

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
Iraq
Part 18

(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – –

SECTION 3

It was a glorious morning to be out in the marshes. There was still a leftover crispness in the air that the mounting sun was slowly disintegrating. Canadian geese could be heard honking as they flapped overhead. The only sounds not of Nature itself were the muted sounds of autos making their way up the highway miles away. Read more 9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Iraq Part 18

Share

New Thanksgiving Holiday Of ‘Gratitude’ Started For Those Who Must Work On The Real Thanksgiving.

In response to the overwhelming growth of Black Friday and its exploitation of the employees who must work in the service industry labor unions, families, certain compassionate government leaders and religious figures have petitioned and won government approval for a ‘pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving’ to make up for the real Thanksgiving that is now almost a non-existent entity.

So many are having to work on what used to be an almost sacred holiday due to the seasonal avarice of companies such as Walmart, McDonald’s, Target, Home Depot, Best Buy and others who see Christmas only as a platform for making great profits due to peoples sentimentalities and don’t mind killing off another quieter holiday to get their way. Read more New Thanksgiving Holiday Of ‘Gratitude’ Started For Those Who Must Work On The Real Thanksgiving.

Share

Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

The famous expose website Wakileaks (yes, that is spelled correctly) has successfully tapped into a most intriguing phone call between those two most beloved of dictators in the world- Bashar al-Assad and his Grace Vladimir Putin of Russia. We have the transcript here just as it was translated from the phone tap:

RINGGGGGGG!!!!!

Putin: Hello my old buddy Bashar! How are you doing?

Assad: Ah, Putin! My best friend, my ally, my colleague, the guy who saves my butt! How are you yourself?

Putin: Oh, quite good, old chum. A few miscreant Chechens here and there, but nothing like what you are having to put up with. Read more Tapped Phone Conversation Between Putin and Assad Proves Revealing

Share

9/12/2001 – The Days After the Unthinkable Happened – The New New World Order – Part 17

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
The New New World Order
Part 17
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – –

The day was not beginning well for government employee Stan Bues. He regarded the document in his hand seriously. He reread it several times. The second time was to overcome the shock that had paralyzed his whole being from the first reading. The third was to try to read it with a rational steady mind. The fourth was to confirm that the darkness therein was real. It was. Read more 9/12/2001 – The Days After the Unthinkable Happened – The New New World Order – Part 17

Share

The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

Dolly Darling, the President’s Secretary, excitedly and fearfully puts the finishing touches to the Oval Office, the new lair of her boss Donald Trump. He would be here shortly and she knows all too well how critical he is that everything should be perfect., or at least perfect as Donald Trump sees it. She knocks some lint off the large velvet rendition of Elvis in day glow colors in full rocker mode when he was still young and svelte. It hangs where the portrait of Thomas Jefferson used to. Read more The Great Trump’s First Day As President.

Share

Conspiracy Theories – The Website For The Well Informed Paranoiac

Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general publicum. We are here because you need us! We are ever vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations and cultures that are out to handicap and repress our great American lifestyle.

The following are the dark, sinister plots we have uncovered this week:

Conspiracy Theory # 3,482- Valiant researchers have discovered that dentists around the world have been weaving minute, low grade diamonds into the threads of dental floss for years.

These small specks of the hardest mineral known to man slowly erode the base of teeth with each flossing, eventually leading to the destruction of the enamel protecting their sensitive core. Read more Conspiracy Theories – The Website For The Well Informed Paranoiac

Share

9/12/2001 The Days After the Unthinkable Happened A Visit To Kazakhstan Part 16

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
A Visit To Kazakhstan
Part 16
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The Presidential plane flew high as it began its circling before landing. Although the plane had, of course, precedence over any others landing at the midsized field, this was done as a tactic to ward off enemies who might have successfully hid themselves in the terrain with anti-aircraft weaponry. The high altitude would induce them to shoot, but they would be beyond their range. Satisfied, the plane began its long coast downward. Read more 9/12/2001 The Days After the Unthinkable Happened A Visit To Kazakhstan Part 16

Share

WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

The famed web expose site WikiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad/Putin meeting in Moscow.

The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria. The hidden tapes revealed much more than that.

The following is a direct transcript of the meeting of the two dictators translated into English: Read more WikiLeaks Gets An Inside Look At Assad’s “Historic” Meeting With Putin

Share

Good God No: Disney Has Turned Star Wars Into A Musical

Unbeknownst to the press and we Star Wars geeks, Disney has insisted that Director J.J. Abrams make the upcoming seventh installment of the Star Wars mega-franchise a musical, hoping to continue Disney’s legacy of hit making song and dance movies such as Mary Poppins and Frozen.

Abrams was fiercely opposed to this idea until made to think otherwise by an oversized Wookie henchman who threatened to rip his arms off.

Bringing in the musical team that put together the lyrics and sound to go with them for Disney’s big hit Frozen, the creators have come up with the following tunes that were covertly given to us by a disgruntled Jawa from the new film Wikileaks style. Read more Good God No: Disney Has Turned Star Wars Into A Musical

Share

9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 15 The Fault Lines of Washington

9/12/2001
THE DAYS AFTER THE UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED
The Fault Lines of Washington
Part 15
(A serial book excerpt)

Previous installments – After Flight 93 crashes into the White House on 9/11/2001 killing President Bush as was originally planned, Dick Cheney, the Vice President, is made the leader of the country. He begins immediately to make changes.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The hot fault-lines that ran under the surface in Washington were beginning to rise to the top.
Arguments between the sharply divided liberals and republicans were getting more frequent and fierce. Read more 9/12/2001 – The Days After The Unthinkable Happened – Part 15 The Fault Lines of Washington

Share

Assad Needs To be Taken Out Now

There are Syrian refugees risking their lives fleeing to the shores of Greece and overrunning every country between their homeland and Germany.

Many of those staying behind are being brutally murdered and maimed in their own homes and streets.

The finances and resources of the countries taking in the refugees are being badly strained. Great unrest is being fomented in all the lands surrounding Syria.

This is basically all because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the President of Syria. Read more Assad Needs To be Taken Out Now

Share

Putin Puts In His Pugnacious Presence to Punitively Preempt and Perhaps Plunder the Syrian Proceedings Plight

Obama and other world leaders were sitting around the UN private lounge contemplating what to do about the Syrian crisis that was disturbing all of the Mideast and Europe. Depression had set in due to the difficulties that had arisen over the situation that seemed to escalate no matter what their efforts were. And it all was basically because of one man- Bashar al-Assad, the dictator of Syria.

The X-Box like control mechanism that determined the bombings of the day lay on a table between them. No one had the enthusiasm to touch it.

Suddenly the door burst open and an energetic presence entered.

“Greetings Comrades. I am here to solve the Syrian problem!” The unusually smiley face of Vladimir Putin greeted all the seated dignitaries as he hurriedly went around the circle of sofas shaking hands. “I am the answer to all your difficulties!” Read more Putin Puts In His Pugnacious Presence to Punitively Preempt and Perhaps Plunder the Syrian Proceedings Plight

Share