Author: Joe Barnhart
Terrorized by Multiple Wives? You Might be a bin Laden
Terrorizing innocent, decent people isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You get stuck sleeping with cretins who stink like deep-fried weasel, constantly eat curry-laced leftovers, and notice, too late, some jerk used all the toilet paper — no wonder…
Royal Fixation Escalates to Royal Obsession
23 million insomniac Americans watched the royal wedding of Prince William and commoner Kate Middleton. Seriously! Rousted out of bed at a ridiculous a.m. hour to witness the event, pale compared to, say, Donald Trump getting skewered by a Brahma…
Go Ahead, Drop the F-Bomb; It’s the Easy Way Out
Can’t find the right word? Stifled when the cretin ahead of you in the “Express Lane” is paying for a full shopping cart with a Ziploc of Canadian coins? You’re not alone. There’s a shortage shredding the very polyester fiber…
Mutant 2nd Graders – A Terrifying, Formidable Force
The New York Stock Exchange rose 3,000 points yesterday when news finally reached the floor of mutant second graders taking charge of financial interests in this country. Investment adviser, William Buffington III was reported hiding in a restroom stall, quivering…
Arena Football Eases Fans Qualms About Suffering an NFL Lockout
Do you struggle to understand the meaning of life? Worried your bladder will explode while riding an elevator? Scratching an itchy ear with a paper clip (quite frankly, who hasn’t)? Then there’s an event happening nearby that’ll make your scalp…
Montana’s Governor — Blazing Hot, Full o’ Crap, or Crapaliciously Both?
HELENA, MT. – With his “Burning Corn Cob Juggling Act” on the skids, Democratic Montana Gov. Brian Schweitzer, brazenly rejected 17 Republican bills using a red hot branding iron. Frenetic steers in the crowd collapsed at the sight of the…