Author: Dexter Sinistri
Tea Party Winning Big on This; Opposite Day
GlossyNews.com – With incumbent truck-owning senator Scott Brown already behind in exit polls and a slew of other Tea Party favorites flagging in election results, the Tea Party is hailing big victories on this; opposite day. “We’re really glad to…
Florida Breaks Early for Pat Buchanan
GlossyNews.com – The “Sunshine State” has been largely contested this election, with both Mitt Romney and Barack Obama leading at various times, but today’s exit polls suggest one clear winner: Pat Buchanan. Buchanan was reached at his Virginia home early…
Obama WILL Win Today, and Here’s Why
GlossyNews.com – Now while I’m no prognosticator in any official sense, what I am is supremely confident. Confident in an Obama victory, and a sound one at that, and here’s why… I’m risking my reputation and going on the record…
3/5ths of Southern Blacks Vote for Obama
GlossyNews.com – With exit polls in and precincts already reporting in Georgia, Mississippi and South Carolina, one thing is holding true; blacks are voting 3/5ths for incumbent president Barack Hussein Obama. We talked with Jerry Green, a double-amputee and 3/5ths…
“Well-Hung Chad” Having Banner Day at Florida Poleing Station
GlossyNews.com – Well Hung Chad Boehner is a tall, beefy male escort in St. Petersberg, Florida. And by his estimation, he’s set to have the best day of his career. “I [started] advertising on BackPage.com under the name “Well-Hung Chad”…
Corpse Still Warm; Ryan 2016 Campaign Underway
GlossyNews.com – Paul Ryan, never one to let an opportunity to flex for a camera or let an opportunity to advance his career pass him by, has been doing more than campaigning for Romney… he’s been campaigning for himself; for…
This Election Day: Don’t Vote, Stay Home and Pray
GlossyNews.comMy fellow Christians, there is only one immutable truth on this election day. It’s that God’s will reigns supreme and there’s nothing we can do to change it. So don’t get in your car and drive. No, get down on…
Pennsylvania Poll Workers Suspiciously Republican
GlossyNews.com – Voters in Chester, Drexel Hill and Springfield were met with a surprising bit of help when they went to the polls this morning; free helpers. While these poll workers were outside of polling places, they were very ready…
Florida Voters Stand Ready to Prevent Romney Zombie Apocalypse
GlossyNews.com – MIAMI – In a state plagued by natural disasters, exploding pythons, and the strangest politics on the planet, Florida voters are bracing for the latest horror — zombie apocalypse! (This is a guest post from Rebecca Wakefield.) Mindless…
Romney Faceplate Cracks in Front of Iowa Crowd
GlossyNews.com – This morning, as the sun rose on the cornholing state, Mitt Romney stood in front of a gathered crowd of John Deere factory workers, when his robotic faceplate fractured and fell off of his robot face. The crowd…