GlossyNews.com – Well Hung Chad Boehner is a tall, beefy male escort in St. Petersberg, Florida. And by his estimation, he’s set to have the best day of his career.
“I [started] advertising on BackPage.com under the name “Well-Hung Chad” about a week ago, and I’ve got dates setup back to front to back all day long,” said Boehner from his Cutlas Sierra office.
“I’m getting a lot of older gentlemen who just want to weep and hold me, but they won’t say why. I just pat them on the head and say ‘there there, dude’.”
Boehner said his local “poleing station” is the Super 8 on Bell Grande Ave, and that he only has two openings available, but four appointments for dates.
– Election Day 2012: Obama Starts Cleaning Out the Oval Office
– Local Man Ready to Get Out There and Make His Terrible Decision Count
– Florida Voters Stand Ready to Prevent Romney Zombie Apocalypse
When asked how he fills in as a surrogate lover to swing voters, he offered, “Oh this is definitely a swinger state, and I know because it’s chapping me raw,” though it’s unclear what he meant and we wisely declined to ask him a follow-up question.
“At the rate I’m filling my schedule I’ll easily have the longest, hardest day of my [sweaty, disgusting] career,” he said, smoking a Virginia Slim while scratching vigorously at the crotch of his pants. “This election has been good for my erection.”
EDITOR’S NOTE: Full disclosure, Boehner did provide free services in exchange for coverage in this article, but only in the weeping and consolation department.