Year: 2019
By the Grace of Sean (Bad Poetry for Bad Media)
Bellicose, via mega phone, go… Secure your homes, Holmes, Cause you’re all alone, Jones All the skin and bones talk, All them victims criss-crossed… With their children en tow… They tried to cross the road! By the grace of…
OWCH! 80s Nerd Escapes Self-Imposed Seclusion: Finds D&D Gone MAINSTREAM!
Wealthy 80s nerd accidentally emerges from self-imposed seclusion only to discover that D&D is cool now Walter Sebastian Wasp Rogers IV suffered an embarrassing episode early in his junior year of high school involving a wooden chair, a lot of…
Cruella De Ville Muscling My Customer
”What is it?” I said looking at a very indecisive customer. ”I’m just not sure if I should buy the shoes, mate!” he says, confusing me. ”You love the look, the price, they’re comfortable.” I wait for his long-owed reply,…
Great Was the Fall (Parable on America With an Ancient Feel)
In the days of the old King, King Bush, the people did eat of the fat of the earth and drink of the fruit of the vine. But lo a new King, King Obama, ascended the throne and soon there…
How Online Gambling Has Officially Become Socially Acceptable
How Online Gambling Has Officially Become Socially Acceptable You know society, the beautiful and friendly nature of society? Well that wasn’t always there and in fact, it still isn’t! So how on earth did online gambling manage to fall through…
Gay Old Party Strikes Again! Auntie Lindsey 2020, the Closet Choice! (Ted Haggard Guest Post)
NOTE FROM WALLACE: Our occasional guest contributor, Ted ‘I Know What You Did Last Night’ Haggard has provided us with one of the saltiest, spiciest lil old hot takes we’ve had in a while here at Glossy News! Enjoy! WOOP…
OH, GOD! IT’S NOT THAT TIME AGAIN IS IT???????
Noooooooooooooooo! It can’t be! It’s inhumane! Its monstrous! It just can’t be true!
Stress, Expense & Achy Feet: Why Stay in when All these & More Await You on a Night Out?
There is so much to think about when going on a night out, but we all know it’s the stress that makes it so much fun. There are expectations to be shattered and you’re all set to ruin your sleep schedule. You’re jittery with…
Electoral College Electors Hiding Out From Democratic Assassins Because of 2016 Election
Life is not easy for any of the 538 Electors from the 2016 election. Too many people with good memories remember very well the outcome of that election BECAUSE OF the outcome of that election. The trouble can well be…
Oath to Inner Freedom!
PEACE WITHIN, FREEDOM EVER OUTWARDS Swear with me: From this day forth, I solemnly swear by the name of the best within us, I will not let the powers of this world consume me with fear, with rage, with bitterness,…