God Warns the Donald He’s Not Getting Any Private Revelations

Like The Blues Brothers, George W Bush famously went to Iraq on a ‘mission from God.’

Same, of course for Tony Blair!

But now Tough-Guy Tangerine Surprise Donald J Trump is being friendzoned by God.

God says:

Man! I must have been really off my tits on the Mount Kailash moonshine, when I decided to give a private revelation to George ‘n’ Tony; of all the bigoted, superstitious assholes in the world! Sorry, but sometimes, when we’ve had a bit of Olympian nectar we do shit we regret; hell, we’ve been all there!

(Except that stuck-up Allah asshole. Fuck that guy!)

But I mean, yeah. Look how well things went the last time. Next time a US President asks me what I want him to do, I’m just gonna say: “Hm… I don’t know, son. Maybe ask your mother.”

Donald Trump was about to furiously denounce this as ‘More FAKE NEWS from the DISHONEST FAKE NEWS MEDIA!!!!!!!!’

At least until Ivanka told him he could now skip going to Church even for the next few decades in retaliation.

Let’s hope this massive spiritual arms race doesn’t escalate any further…

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!