Tag Archive | "george bush"

Republicans and al Qaeda face Conundrum of how to Continue their Escalating Evil


Dateline: WASHINGTON, D.C.—With its escalating insanity in the choice of its presidential nominees, from Reagan to George W. Bush to Donald Trump, the Republican Party has borrowed a strategy from al Qaeda to maximize terror in the American public, according to some political experts.
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Obama Blocks Republicans’ Salaries – Saudis Step In


Obama has issued an executive order to block salaries to Republican Congressmen. They responded by saying “They would impeach his black ass”.

Democratic Congressmen have hailed this as the best step Obama has taken so far. This said, Republican Congressmen ended up better off than they were. Read the full story

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Texas Messed With


AUSTIN, TX – It has been confirmed that the southern state of Texas was messed with today, as details of the messing continue to emerge.

Little is known at present about the exact nature of the messing, but various spokesmen and figureheads are believed to be “tired of this shit, y’hear?”

Despite repeatedly warning outsiders not to mess with the second largest state in the Union, Texans were left irate as it became apparent that their threats had fallen on deaf ears. Read the full story

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Forgetful Bush ‘Still Occasionally Turning Up to White House Unannounced’


WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources in Washington D.C. have confirmed that former U.S. President George W. Bush is still forgetfully turning up to the White House unnanounced. He was seen this morning idly walking around the grounds of the White House, apparently forgetful of the fact that he no longer lives there.

Waving to tourists and press photographers, Bush was seen walking his dog Barney around the White House Lawn this morning, just days after several news networks reported that a grey haired Caucasian man was spotted trying to wedge open a window to the Diplomatic Reception Room. Read the full story

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Etch-A-Mitt™ Galvanizes The GOPTea™


NORTH WISCONSIN  —GlossyNews  “America hasn’t been working,” Romney said at a recent political rally in north Wisconsin, “…and I believe it’s because they don’t have jobs. Wisconsin is like all the rest of the states. Where have all your jobs gone to, I ask you?”

He continued, “In my quest to become your president, I have been seeking Middle Class endorsements from deep within the nation’s Middle Class. Read the full story

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Amateur Astronomer finds Hell in Space


It started out as a normal night for amateur astronomer Rick Saty last Wednesday evening. After setting up his 14-inch reflector telescope in his backyard and collimating it (a process in which the lenses are adjusted to bring them all into perfect alignment), he turned his telescope at a variety of objects in the night sky. Like he always does, the first thing Saty checked out was the Orion Nebula and then the Andromeda Galaxy, “They’re so inspiring.” Read the full story

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R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Aretha Sang It, Obama Shows It


For all you can say for or against Barack Obama as President, there is one huge thing can be said in his favor. He has returned a forgotten key ingredient of crucial diplomatic etiquette to the forefront and that is RESPECT (say it loud just like Aretha Franklin did).

The idea of respect, (or, if that is too much to ask, then at least its little brother REGARD) has been trounced and forgotten in recent decades and even ridiculed. Read the full story

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New Donor Cards Provide Cheney Opt-out Option


Bending to demand from potential organ donors, the World Organ Donor Bank, which issues organ donor cards, has printed a box on their cards that allows donors to opt-out when it comes to donating a heart to Vice-President and war profiteer, Dick Cheney. It reads: Could you ever be dead enough to allow Dick Cheney to get your heart? Check YES or NO. Read the full story

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Sarah Palin Takes Aim at Babs Bush, Fires the Crazy Cannon


It is increasingly clear that establishment Republicans don’t have much love for Ms. Sarah Palin. It is also crystal clear that Sarah Palin couldn’t give two rat’s asses if they do or not. In fact, she is going out of her way, it seems, to rile up every segment of society as much as her beloved, often furry, mama grizzlies.

Recently, Barbara Bush commented to fellow Jurassic extinction survivor Larry King that Sarah Palin loves Alaska, and then added that she should stay there. Upon hearing this, Palin chose to reload and fight back against what she perceived as “blue bloods doing battle against the red bloods and turning the best part of red, white and blue American into some kind of crazy purple haze.” Read the full story

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Do Tea Partiers Still Pretend to Miss Georgey Bush?


A sign board has appeared along a Minnesota road asking passerby’s if they miss the days of George W. Bush’s presidential rule. Apparently times are so bad for some that they will go to that length in nostalgia. Some seem to remember fondly the days when we believed in simpler things, like a ‘won’ war in Iraq in which no one counted the dollar cost of it or the body count on both sides. Read the full story

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Alert – Redneck Right Wingers Have Learned To Type And Have Infiltrated The Internet


ALERT! ALERT! Hard right rednecks have learned to use the Internet and even more horrifyingly the comments section of Glossy News. Someone has taught them to type and in some cases even to spell. They are swiftly learning to use it as an apt rapier in the never ending duel between Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons…, er, I mean between arch conservatives and the holy free writers and thinkers of the web in their eternal fight to win freedom for all humans especially the sexy pretty ones who love nerdy heroes. Read the full story

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Is The Green Zone In Baghdad The New OZ?


The Green Zone, that huge, walled off section of Baghdad occupied by US military and civilian operations, has been renamed ‘The Emerald City’ after the fabled city in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

The Green Zone functions like a first world country having 24 hour electricity, water, sewage treatment and Read the full story

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2009 Glossy News Erratta … err Errata & Errors a Plenty


The Glossy News, in an effort to bring you the finest, most accurate and comprehensive news available, has compiled this errata information after a review of articles published in 2009. Although we do technically wish to apologize for any errors that may have crept into our news stories from time to time throughout the year, we do so with an air of lackadaisical indifference. Read the full story

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Country Still Thinking with Its Penis


Washington DC (with reports from elsewhere) — Almost since time has been recorded, “mine’s bigger than yours”, or m-b-t-y, has been on the lips of every aggressive type-A male in the United States.

Our country’s presidents are no exception. Sometimes leading the pack of type-As out there in the quest to settle the argument once and for all. European males still solemnly claim to think with their hearts and minds as their basis of governing. Read the full story

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White House Claims Bush Torched California for Sport


New York – In the current edition of The Nation magazine, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel charges that President Bush is personally responsible for burning California’s economy. Read the full story

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