Tag Archive | "Star Wars"

Galen Erso will Design Note8


Seoul, South Korea: Samsung announced that they have a new Head of Engineering overseeing the design of the Galaxy Note8.

Galen Erso, the only engineer from the Note7 project deemed competent enough to avoid termination will be taking the helm of the so-called “Next Great Thing.” Read the full story

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4K Glossy News Podcast 045 (5-30-16)


The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with with another awesome guest hostery by Justyn Confer.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the June 6th edition.

* Special guest host Justyn Confer! Read the full story

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4K Glossy News Podcast 041 (5-2-16)


The 4K/UHD podcast is back again this week with with another awesome guest hostery by Jason Jones.

All of this is available in UHD on YouTube by searching “Glossy Podcast” or as an MP3 on iTunes by searching “Glossy News”.

Here are the topics covered in the the May 2nd edition.

* Special guest host Jason Jones! Read the full story

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New Star Wars Film Spoilers: Yes, I Am Mean Enough To Ruin It For You… Bwhaaa, haaa, haaa, haaa


Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

The POWER that comes with being one of the first ones to see the new Star Wars movie!
It is like being showered with the Dark Side of the Force!!!!!!

Bwaaa Haaa Haaa Haaa!

Yes, Hans Solo does come back in this new film- using a walker to get around. He finds the two new characters in his precious Millennium Falcon and yells out to them “Hey you kids! Get off my ship!” Then his dentures fall out and you can only hear him yelling in a voice that sounds as unintelligible as Chewbacca’s. Read the full story

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Hoo-Wee: You Should See The Conditions Disney Made For Making The New Star Wars Film


The independent expose website Wakileaks has gotten hold of the original contractual agreement the Disney Corporation demanded that Director Abrams agree to before filming the new, highly anticipated and already over hyped Star Wars movie. Wakileaks then leaked it out to us, the rabid Star Wars film fanatics who are waiting with baited breath and fanged teeth for its Dec. 18th release.

Highest on the list was there had to be a love story inherent in the plot; a device Disney has used ad nauseam since it began making feature length films in the forties (with the exception of Old Yeller, Tron, a couple of its cartoons and that Living Desert film from the ’60s.) Read the full story

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Good God No: Disney Has Turned Star Wars Into A Musical


Unbeknownst to the press and we Star Wars geeks, Disney has insisted that Director J.J. Abrams make the upcoming seventh installment of the Star Wars mega-franchise a musical, hoping to continue Disney’s legacy of hit making song and dance movies such as Mary Poppins and Frozen.

Abrams was fiercely opposed to this idea until made to think otherwise by an oversized Wookie henchman who threatened to rip his arms off.

Bringing in the musical team that put together the lyrics and sound to go with them for Disney’s big hit Frozen, the creators have come up with the following tunes that were covertly given to us by a disgruntled Jawa from the new film Wikileaks style. Read the full story

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Scoop: Glossy News Gets Script from New Disney Star Wars Movie


Forget the stingy, 88-minute trailer just put out, we got the real scoop!

Our intrepid, rat-like reporters just got the biggest story of the whole millennium (and that includes the Millennium Falcon!)- we copped the script from the new Star Wars movie still in production!

Here is a summary of the plot: Read the full story

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Who Leaked Jennette McCurdy Nude Selfies? The Answer May Surprise You


Jennette McCurdy, the 21-year-old star of Nickelodeon’s Sam and Cat and iCarly is making headlines not fit for her Nickelodeon audience. Nudey headlines.

Several more semi-nude selfies have been leaked to the media, and we do mean leaked. The glossy 8×10’s were literally dripping with salaciousness when they arrived in our P.O. Box.

In them, the waifish blonde poses seductively on her bed dressed only in what appears to be whipped cream, sweat, and an unknown substance that may or may not be Nickelodeon’s famous green slime, but in a cloudy, whitish color. Read the full story

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Kim Jong-Il ‘Completes Death Star’


According to North Korean propaganda, Kim Jong-Il has achieved every Star Wars fan boys wet dream and finished his “Death Star” and claims it is ‘now fully operational’.

Our source in North Korea report that ‘Talks of an attack have already begun, Kim Jong-il has already been fitted for his black cape, he is just waiting for his perspiration lenses to be put in his limited edition Darth Vadar helmet he got off Ebay.’

See the rest of the story on YouTube, or scroll down for the video.

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Tatooine Womp Rat Believed Extinct


Officials with the Tatooine Department of Wildlife announced today that the long imperiled womp rat is believed to be extinct in the wild. At not much bigger than two meters, womp rat numbers declined steadily since human settlement, mostly due to habitat loss as native desert was converted to moisture farms.

But it was the local practice of “bulls-eyeing” that finally pushed the species over the brink. Read the full story

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NRA Takes Battle to New Level; Buys Death Star


The NRA has upped its political game with the acquisition of the Death Star made famous from the Star Wars movie franchise.

Thought to have been totally destroyed following a second massive attack by impudent rebel forces in the third (or is that the sixth?) installment of the series (I always get them confused and so do most normal people (nerds not included in the idea of ‘normal’)) the killer man made planet has apparently been repaired by laid off Lucasfilm engineers able to hobble it back together again. Read the full story

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George Lucas Announces Ban on Special Effects


Star Wars creator George Lucas has created massive controversy by issuing an executive order outlawing all special effects in feature film productions.

The law, which will go into effect at the beginning of February, is described by the veteran filmmaker as “A necessary remedy after years of crappy screenwriting excused with exorbitant amounts of CGI.”

Birdemic: Shock and Terror director James Nguyen put forward a statement in support of Lucas, who he calls “An exceedingly talented genius capable of nothing but cinematic perfection.” Supplementing his encouragement is Tommy Wiseau, a close friend of Lucas and respected film director. Read the full story

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George Lucas Struggling to Spend 4 Additional Billion


George Lucas invented the Star Wars franchise, and with it, ushered in a new and previously unimagined era of movie merchandising. While he struggled to find ways to spend his first two billion dollars, he’s really at wits end now that he is saddled with four additional billion dollars.

Earlier this year the Disney Corporation purchased LucasFilms for $4.05 billion, and if you thought ol’ George had trouble burning through the first couple billion, his problems are now magnified by a factor of three. Read the full story

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Hacker McKinnon Facing Extradition to Jabba the Hutt’s Planet


British computer hacker Gary McKinnon, whose extradition to the US was blocked on humanitarian grounds by UK Home Secretary Theresa May today, now faces a prospect nearly as terrifying: being sent for punishment on the alien planet of Tatooine.

McKinnon has long claimed that his hacking was aimed at discovering the truth about UFOs. It seems that he has now incurred the wrath of the Tatooine premier, Jabba the Hutt, by probing into the question of alien life a little too closely. Read the full story

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Jedi Masters Just Ain’t What They Used To Be


Sigh! Jedi Masters just ain’t what they used to be!

At one time they were of the caliber of Sir Alec Guiness, the original Obi-Wan Kenobi, a proven hero whose name had the extra fortification of being the same as a famous beer. But in today’s world (or should that be tomorrow’s world since it is science fiction- no, wait! These Star Wars films all happened “long, long ago in a galaxy for, far away”- make that yesterday’s world) their backgrounds are a bit murky. Read the full story

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Patriots for Pot Put Support behind Morgan Freeman for President


A more liberal-leaning sect of the Tea Party known as the Patriots for Pot are putting their money behind actor Morgan Freeman for President even though he’s not running (officially).

Dilbert “Doobie” Warner, President of the Patriots for Pot Party (PPP) located in Denver, Colorado says that the members of his party were faced with choosing a candidate to back from a list of some really heavy hitters, but in the end, Morgan Freeman was their number one choice. Read the full story

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