Revenge Of The Seth

Pre-Summer Bummer

Clear, FL- “Authorities have no leads at this time, and the student body is obviously very disappointed,” Clear County Superintendent of Schools, Denise Tasker told reporters from the steps of James Marsden High School on Monday morning. “I know how much these kids have been looking forward to this year’s Bottle Smosh, and for this to happen two days before the event… it is devastating.”

Monday morning, police were dispatched to the suburban Central Florida campus, after administrators arrived to find that thousands of glass bottles housed at the onsite Recycling Center had been destroyed over the weekend.

“This is a major bummer,” student director of Recycling, Trevor Campbell told me after the press conference. “For the last two years, our Recycling Program has organized the Bottle Smosh. On the last day of the school year, students sign up to run through the Smosh Course, throwing bottles at designated targets throughout our warehouse facility. A panel of judge’s awards each participant a score based on targets hit, time of completion, and level of enthusiasm. At the end of the event, we gather the broken glass, and put it on the big scales, then award the student who guessed closest to the weight, a hundred dollar gift card to the Salvation Army. Last year we gathered over three tons of glass. And this year it actually looked like we were going to shatter that number.”

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