WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Glenn Beck returned quietly late at night months after his famous speech at the Lincoln Memorial to gloat over his success. “I really had ‘em in the palm of my hand!” he snickered to himself. The empty hall echoed his laughter. Empty, that is, save for another set of footsteps approaching. Read the full story

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) – In a relentless and seemingly oxymoronic trend, more and more politicians are campaigning – successfully – on a platform of distrust of government officials. Various party primaries held in several states have shown a tendency for voters to respond enthusiastically to propaganda that portrays all politicians as soulless, parasitic hellspawn who want nothing more than to violate the rights and compromise the safety of the American people in general. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In an effort to revive his flagging presidency, Barack Obama plans to renew his oath of office in a special bipartisan ceremony to be held at the Washington Monument early this spring. Falling somewhere between a full-blown inaugural parade and a pander-to-the-base campaign rally, President Obama’s vow renewal is designed to assure the American public that he is not about to become the next Jimmy Carter. Read the full story

Fox News, in its never ending search for more fuel to stoke its listener’s fires, has hired a crack team of psychologists, sociologists, media gurus and general psychopaths to help them find and exploit the ‘Rwanda Effect’.

The Rwanda Effect is the name of a phenomena related to the incendiary radio broadcasts that set off the massacre of members of the Tutsis tribe by the Hutu tribe in 1994 in the African nation of Rwanda. Two radio stations were notorious for barraging their listeners Read the full story

In a surprise appearance at today’s White House Press briefing, President Obama introduced Dan Rather as his new “Dead Tree Press Czar.” Rather will be tasked to oversee the federal takeover of 27 failing liberal newspapers. “We cannot allow newsrooms favorable to our agenda to disappear simply because the American people no longer trust them,” the President said. “That would be honest, but stupid.” Rather chimed in with, “My uncle used to say, ‘When you got live fish in a barrel, catch the whoppers first and gut ‘em ‘fore you go back to the bait store.” From the back of the room, Democratic advisor James Carville called out “Hey Dan! Say what?”

Doubtless 50% of the UK’s half-awake population have been brainstormed by know-all media pundits gobbing off about the forthcoming global warming propaganda summit in tropical Copenhagen next month – and may well have scratched their arses – and then their collective heads – for a brief and fleeting moment – about doing their bit for Al Bore and Mother Nature – and cleaning up their carbon footprint. Read the full story

If you will be kind enough to indulge me, I would like to propose a toast: Here’s to Sarah Palin; may she never – ever – go away.

I am going to go out on a limb here: No woman since Eleanor Roosevelt has done more to further the cause of progressive politics in the United States of America than has our Sarah. Read the full story

What do you do when you’ve been outed on national radio trying once again to dish dirty lies about the President? If you’re Rush Limbaugh, you make up some half-assed excuse why you’re not a complete dumb ass for falling for yet another hoax. Seems Rush picked up on a story reporting that back in college, Obama wrote a thesis paper entitled “Aristocracy Reborn” that basically dissed the Constitution. NY Daily News has the whole story. Read the full story

Just when you thought America’s health insurance companies couldn’t kick us any harder in the collective ass, comes the news that the insurance industry has paid coo-coo bucks for a study which says that if the present proposed health care bill is passed through legislation, it will be the cause for existing insurance premiums to rise. Say wha? Read the full story

Pope Benny, the all-new German Mark XVI model, has left Rome for a visit to the Middle East – the first tour of the holy places of Christendom by a Pope since Christianity lost Jerusalem to the great unwashed Islamic hordes of Saladin during the Crusades of the Middle Ages. Read the full story