Tag: pardon
Trump Pardons Unabomber
Florida, 9amIn a move certain to appeal to his base, Donald Trump has issued an official Presidential pardon to “Mathematical Genius” Ted Kaczynsky. “I give a full pardon to Ted, unfairly labelled a Unabomber by the fake news media. I know…
Satan Buys Pardon from Trump for $8bn
In a ‘not very surprising’ move it was revealed today that outgoing president and all-round shithouse Donald Trump has agreed to issue the devil with a presidential pardon. The full and complete pardon will be rushed through ahead of Trump’s…
PARDON ME! Trump’s Notes: Short and Long Lists (Along with Wishful List) of People to Pardon
Trying to court women, President Trump just pardoned Susan B. Anthony. He also has pardoned heavyweight boxing champion Jack Johnson. But, if you think the only women and African-Americans he cares about are long dead, he also pardoned Kim Kardashian’s…
Trump Renames Pardoned Turkeys “High Crimes & Misdemeanors”
President Donald Trump and first lady Melania Trump participated in the annual turkey pardon on Tuesday afternoon in the White House Rose Garden. Justice was served alongside stuffing and cranberry sauce, as Trump made his official decision. For the second…